14 months of being publicly whipped

Because of the Bishop of Winchester’s foolhardy and harmful actions, which the Archbishop incomprehensibly condones, I have suffered 14 months of having my soul destroyed and having hatred directed at me by complete strangers.
The Archbishop praises the Bishop for this, apparently thus stating that publicly destroying an abuse survivor and subjecting her to public humiliation, hatred and smears, from people who have never met her is ok.

And, considering that the Diocese consider me to be ‘mentally ill’ don’t you think it is horrifying that they would allow this? And that the Archbishop would condone this public whipping of someone supposedly ill.

I am ill now, with the stress of 14 months of public destroyal.

I have asked the Archbishop, the Diocese, Safeguarding, the NAS, clergy abuse charities, anyone I could think of, to bring this to an end, but I have been ignored.

It is interesting that the police were prepared to brutalize me and choke me and fling me in a cell in 2011 for my distressed reaction to the diocese violating me, but here in 2014, as I continue as I did then to beg to be left alone, the police refuse to protect me, so my distressed reaction continues, leading to me being further brutalized and detained?

When is someone going to step in and end this?

email letter to Archbishop 11/05/2011 – 3 years ago

11/05/2011

Your Lord Grace Archbishop of Canterbury,

I want an answer as to why I am a homeless criminal after your churches failed to protect and then damaged me,

 

why clergy you employ who have done much worse than autistic anger are out there unreprimanded while I am destroyed and everything I struggled to achieve is gone.

 

I have no quality of life and have had to flee Winchester because of the way I was being treated on behalf of the diocese, and because I was terrified every time I saw a police car.

 

why are your clergy not beaten up and thrown in cells for 24 hours and called mad and bad for being unable to cope with a very unfair situation? Is it because you do indeed condone cover ups?  I see from his press article that the Bishop who has overseen my destroyal is on very friendly terms with you. 

But I am asking you to listen to my story because it does not make sense that I am on the streets destroyed while my abusers remain in positions of authority and backed by church leaders such as the Dean of Jersey who said I was not abused, that I was a troublemaker and wicked.

 The Bishop refused to deal with that, and supported the Dean in having me convicted for my anger and distress at his continued involvement. Autistic, regressed and abused, left regressed and severely psychologically damaged, having to deal with the dean who was the abusers friend and tried to close the complaint, having to deal with nothing being done and the abuser going round that small island saying he was cleared and thus having me shunned.

 Having to deal with the damage being done by the two faced dean and the treatment I suffered as a result, and Jane Fisher’s cold denial that any of that was happeneing -her denial and attacks on my character was the second most damaging thing after the Dean’s treatment of me.

 And as a result I collapsed and when Jane continued to intervene I became hysterically distressed, especially as she utterly rubbished me by re-involving the Dean, in her continuing nastiness she told me that she had got her side over to the Bishop  – ie told him that nothing had been wrong with the way the Dean and priests had treated me on behalf of the abuser, and she told me that what I said was irrelevant.

 I told her I would let the Bishop see that text, one of her nasty texts, and again she said she would tell him it was about me refusing to meet with her over the abusers, which it was not and she said that me refusing to meet made everything I said irrelevant.

She allowed (JM) to involve herself and work with the Dean to make me out to be a serial troublemaker who has a pattern of making abuse accusations, but they couldn’t explain about all my friends, most of whom the diocese have taken from me by contacting them, those friends didn’t abuse me and so were not accused of abuse.

 

Your Lord Grace Archbishop,

I want the intervention by Jane Fisher in my life to stop, likewise the Scott-Joynt’s damage of me,

I want something done about what has happened,

and it is my last wish,

I will never be able to rebuild my life,

I did not deliberately build my life on sand foundations,

it was that way since I was born,

I loved God from when I was four years old until recently as the endless destroyal by Wolvsley and Fisher went on,

with them trying so hard to make me out to be mentally ill in order to cover the whole matter.

 

The whole matter has meant that my physical health is deteriorating.

I came into the real world aged 17 and having loved God since I was 4,

I thought that the church was the only safe place where drinking, drugs, smoking and dishonesty and badness would not be,

and the church destroyed me,

utterly.

If I had stayed in the ghetto and joined in with the games there where people have children by each others partners and do unspeakable things and live on benefits and dirty money, then the Bishop and his Dean and Safeguarding officer would not have condemned me as wicked and a criminal.

But instead I went to church and was abused.

 

Now I have a life sentence, or rather a death sentence,

of condemnation and being called insane, despite that being disproved by the mental health services.

I will never come to terms with this,

with being called wicked,

with taking all the blame and being the victim of the diocesan cover up.

 

If you really are unwilling to listen and deal with this matter,

pray for my death.

There is no medicine and no counsellor that can ever take away what this has done to me.

I am destroyed,

and my only prayer to the God who allowed the church to destroy me,

is for my death, soon, before my physical health gets worse,

before I am battered about by Jane Fisher’s police again.

 

There is no threat of suicide in this email.

waiting for death is something all people do eventually,

unless they are killed.

That Christmas 2009

It was heading towards Christmas 2009.
I was suffering and traumatized by the police and the way I was treated in Jersey as a result of the way I had  reported the churchwarden and also Jane Fisher’s nasty and senseless communications which left me in more despair than anything else.

I had made up my mind to commit suicide at Christmas and leave a letter explaining to the haters how badly being regressed to young childhood and abused and then vilified for reporting the abuse had affected me (as if they would care!).

I was very unhappy, the world was dark with no light and no-one to turn to.

But I remember being able to do something that brought light to my world as well as to others, and it is something that I just really wanted to do.

I asked my friend who went into the nursing home several times a week, presumably to teach something?
If she would get me the names of all the residents and if they preferred to be known by first names or more formally – as some older people do.
When she got me the list of names, I did a Christmas card for all 64 or so residents, because I knew that some of them wouldn’t get any other cards.
I am very shy of people, afraid of people, but I know that each human being is valuable and matters, no matter what their age or state of health.

But the response to my cards surprised me, not only the residents greeting me by name and smiling and waving when I walked past, but also their families and visitors, and I received a number of cards in reply, everyone was so nice! And from that, I ended up in regular conversation with a number of people, and this led to my confidence and conversation building remarkably.

That Christmas, within the weeks up to Christmas, as I searched the internet looking at the most effective methods of suicide, I came across Maytree Sanctuary for the suicidal, and applied to go there, within the week before Christmas, I completed my self-referral to Maytree and went there for Christmas.

My journey to Maytree was disasterous, this is when the heavy snow was falling, and it looked like the plane wouldn’t even leave Jersey, but it did, and when we landed at Gatwick, our plane had a good old scary skid along the runway!
Arriving at Gatwick in the heavy snow, trying to get the coach looked impossible as snow was affecting the coaches and there were no announcements and no-one could adequately explain what was going on, but thankfully I eventually got a coach, my phone was on a Jersey sim and hardly worked in the UK so I could not let Maytree know what was going on as it took hours and hours to get to London and to Maytree, I ended up in tears in a phone box trying to explain to Maytree and then eventually got to them, very upset.

I think I was tired and it was late when I got there and they made sure I had a hot drink and food before bed.

The stay there was generally pleasant, and I had my own room with ensuite, and no-one was supposed to come into my room unless they were concerned for my safety but one volunteer barged in anyway.

One of the ways Maytree helps people is through talking, and we talked a lot, there were a number of volunteers at Maytree and so I met a lot of people, but the one I found easiest to talk to was retired tube driver called R.

I came downstairs and the kitchen smelled of frying breakfast and Richard was there with the garden doors open, frying breakfast, he was great to talk to and we talked a lot, he told me about his late wife who was a beautiful Indian lady, he fell in love with her the minute he saw her, but she never wanted flowers, because she was a mechanic, she always wanted new spanners and tools 🙂

Maytree was great, we went looking for a turkey on Christmas eve, but they were sold out so we got a duckling, not a duck but a duckling! 🙂 I feel bad about having eaten one of those little fluffy yellow beeping things. But I have a feeling it was a rather grown up duckling. Them beeping yellow things are too small to have the meat on them that the ‘duckling’ we cooked did.

It was good to have Christmas, if I had stayed in Jersey I would have had no Christmas and I would have been dead.
And, looking at what happened in the following year, maybe death would have been better, although I would have missed out on my awesome experience of sleeping rough if I had died.
(and I still believe this church matter may kill me yet).

So time at Maytree was spend relaxing, talking, enjoying good food and drink and lots of Christmas cake, it was all good.
I went for walks, and was surprised that there in the dirty, dog-messy streets, everyone said ‘good morning’ and ‘Happy Christmas’, I went into a Catholic church one day and lit candles, asked Philip LeClaire what the difference between the red and blue candles was and got no response.
But there was a notice in church that eternally amused me.
It read:

‘Please note, the heating is off due to a leek in the pipes’

I couldn’t help wondering how the leek got there and why they couldn’t fish it out 🙂

Anyway, on Christmas Day, I went to the morning service at a local Church of England/Charismatic church, a pretty young lady from Maytree came with me, it was incredibly funny how, after the service, all the Charismatic men came up to us and started chatting with her and ignoring me, she was not a Christian but had offered to accompany me for support and safety. The men really liked chatting to her, they hardly said hello to me! 🙂
I wrote an amused letter to the church and told them I had enjoyed the service and been amused by the men’s keenness on my companion, they wrote a friendly letter in reply, saying I was always welcome to drop in.
One of the lovely parts of the service was when they let a net of balloons down from the roof, the children ran riot!

Anyway, before I left Maytree, the person in charge met with me and talked with me about my strengths and plans for the future, I found that empowering, but lost the letter when I had to leave Jersey, and Maytree wouldn’t let me have another copy.

The problem with Maytree, excellent as they were, the communication wasn’t good, and before I went, a woman tried to get me to fill in a questionaire that even she didn’t understand, and it included asking me if I was an abuser, apparently, but she didn’t know or wasn’t clear what the questions meant and I was left very upset. She then said that it didn’t matter anyway and I didn’t need to fill it in. That was awful, it was intrusive and distressing and undid some of the good by stressing me.

I left Maytree and sadly, walked into terrible football crowds on the underground and was trapped and panicked.
Thankfully a member of tube staff rescued me and got me back to Central London, and I headed for Hampshire to my friends (who the diocese have since taken from me).

I arrived back in Jersey feeling refreshed and determined to move forward positively, Jane Fisher had temporarily shut up, or so it seemed, as I had written to Scott-Joynt just before Christmas, as I expected to be dead in the new year and wanted him to know that Fisher had been bullying me and making life hell.
The Korris report claims Scott-Joynt wrote to me, he did not, he didn’t have my address, of course at that stage I wasn’t going to tell anyone in the Church where I lived, life was hell enough in the community because I was shunned.

So I resumed life and was surprised by the curate who had been so rude and snappy before Christmas -when her cousin comitted suicide.
She really wanted to be in contact and see me, I was surprised, so I took her a load of firewood logs.

I had no idea that we were at the start of Jane Fisher using her further to harm me.
One of Fisher’s greatest triumphs against me was the way she wrecked a safe and healing relationship and used that curate against me in the most terrible and damaging way and also brought the dean into it, again, as she continued to do, leaving me with no safe and private church relationships and help, it is a deep wound.

So this was 2010 now, the beginning of the end as I continued to be damaged by the church of england.

Anything and everything

Good morning,
This blog has rested for some time as I am too ill to do much with it.

I was just researching spiritual abuse yesterday when I came across this site, it is a bit more extreme than Battered Sheep Ministries http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html

I should say something about Good Friday and Easter. But I can’t think of anything, I went to communion last night but I don’t feel well enough to go to any service today.

I have very little memory of Good Friday, I remember vaguely, helping with the Easter Garden at JM’s church, and the big showing off that the Lihous and their church used to do, which was more about them than Jesus. I have no other recollection of Good Friday. Although I believe last Good Friday, the Diocese were crucifying me, and I expected the same again, last year I had pneumonia and this year I have a chest infection.

Funny how things change. Last year homeless but blissfully happy in my community until the Diocese wrecked my world, this year I am housed, sitting in bed sick and wishing I could be back a year ago and happy.
I kind of knew indoors would leave me sick and despairing, that’s why I stayed out there.

A blunt post

Do we remember Tim Dakin’s Statement about how they had ‘been working hard accross the Diocese’ to get me support, after letting the Dean and others off?
Yes?
I do.

Did you know they didn’t work hard accross the Diocese for anything, they simply tried to refer me without my permission to a colleague of Jane Fisher’s, John Cameron of the NSPCC.
Who would undoubtedly have bought Jane Fisher’s story and continued to liase with her, and this was allowed despite the damage she had done to me and my complaints against her that were being ignored!

A birthday tribute to Bishop Michael Scott-Joynt

 
The big belly himself! What a horrible unkind man!

 Bishop Scott-Joynt chose to be ordained as a Bishop and thus be pushed higher in the ranks of the oligarchy and political circles of the Government department, the Church of England.

This government department that does nothing for the government and very little for the people apart from the rich, still uses Christianity as an excuse to exist, and in this day and age, this guise is nothing short of astounding, because they divide the rich and the poor, call the rich sheep and the poor goats.

Bishop Scott-Joynt left me suffering in Jersey, allowed Jane Fisher to injure me and claimed she was helping me, over and over, as I asked her to be withdrawn, and refused to deal with my complaint in Jersey but allowed the Key-Warren-Lihou-Ey collaboration to villify me to absolve themselves of wrongoing.
He did not want or care about my side.

 He allowed things to get unbelievably bad for me and did nothing about EY or FM and JM. He allowed them to villify me.
 He liased with Jane Fisher to ‘cover up’ and ‘prevent scandal’ at my expense.

His actions in believing the collaboration and being dishonest and obstructive with me, is a classic example of how the Church of England rubbish the poor and are there for the rich and ‘their own’.

Bishop Scott-Joynt was the ‘fifth most senior Bishop in the CofE’ and this was constantly mentioned in the press, and yet, even by his own admission, he was struggling with Diocesan Issues, and was not doing well as a Bishop, and his wife often went on about him ‘ending up a Bishop’ and often implied he was not managing well.
Funny then that he chose to take this political position, if he was not suited to it and could not manage it, and managed so badly that he destroyed an abuse victim and, deliberately, slandered her throughout her home town and all homeless and support services so that she was left shamed, whipped, ruined by the terrible opinion he and his diocese gave to these services of her so that she was shunned and shamed and left driven out and long-term homeless, and still branded and shamed to this day.

This same Bishop told the court in Sussex that he and Jane Fisher had ‘Tried to help arrange housing’ for me in Winchester, even though everything they did was entirely without consent and what sent me mad, the constant violations which villified me, got their side accross and drove me, shamed, slandered and shouted at, from my home town of Winchester forever.

This man is a Christian? No, he is a politician, in a government department that has no real purpose any more, they do not represent Christianity, and misleading courts and police and homeless and support services with their side of things, while omitting my side, shows that very clearly.

Bishop Scott-Joynt is untruthful in the Korris report, claiming he was ‘disappointed’ with the meeting, he led the meeting and asked the questions, I simply answered him, so why was he disappointed with me answering questions he asked, all the while absolving the wrongdoers in Jersey, while stating that my abuser was supervised by people who were on his side?
It remains that the abuser holds positions in the Church, while Bishop Scott-Joynt has ruined me and branded me, he did not do the same to my abusers, in fact they have remained upheld and supported in the Church at my expense.

Thus the Church of England, with Micheal Scott-Joynt as an example, are purposeless and harmful to the poor and vulnerable.

It remains forever that I have been ruined and villified and given a record for reacting in distress to a terrible cover-up in Jersey, and the Korris report and what followed, was a cover-up of a cover up at the same time as a failed PR Stunt by the CofE, the ‘hug an abuse victim’ PR stunt that went very wrong.

I was used, after all they had already done to injure me.

And nothing whatsoever has been done about my complaints, after a year of being injured by the Diocese on top of what has already been done.

While I still have a criminal record at the hands of Jane Fisher and Micheal Scott-Joynt, while anyone can rape me and I will be treated as mad and locked up if I report it, because of the record I have been given, while the wrongdoers remain not suffering at all, it doesn’t matter how much boastful and vainglorious ‘good work’ the Scott-Joynts and Jane Fisher do.

When they meet God, they will not be treated kindly, although they wont be beaten and publicly branded when they face God, because Hehas no time for human evil, and what has been done to me is evil, God will be sending Scott-Joynt and Fisher to the lake of Fire, because it remains that they know their deceit to cover their backs and discredit me, they know the effects of making me out to be a mad bad stalker while I begged them to stop stalking me and violating my rights and privacy and dignity, they know I kept contacting them because of the injustices, and they had me damned as mad and bad.

Only a politician retires from service to God, a Christian does not, and if Micheal Scott-Joynt had ever been a Christian rather than a show-off politician, he would have dealt with my case before he retired or, he would have dealt with it when I contacted him after he retired.
He would not have misled courts and police about ‘only helping me’, because violating me and covering up was not help, it was violating me and covering up.

And to this day, neither he nor Jane Fisher are judged and condemned on this earth as I am, and because they have ensured I am lost and branded, and in all the cover-up of the past year, they have not been made responsible, they will face God, and they cannot possibly be allowed into heaven still carrying my blood on their hands, because they have left me worse than dead, trapped in the ‘in-between’ between life and death, with no quality of life, no hope, branded on record forever and thus unable to ever have quality of life again.

Just a Korris report footnote, the Korris report claims they used someone from Relate at the meeting, Lou Scott-Joynt was a Relate worker and this relate worker was also a friend of my friend Anne, who died estranged from me due to the diocese’s violations of the friendship and their use of JM! to forward emails of the Diocese’s side of things when I returned homeless to the UK.
Can you imagine, they used JM who had liased with the Dean and churchwarden to cover their and her and her husband’s wrongs, to send an email with the Diocese’s side of things, round to my old friends in the churches, damning me and the biggest injustice possible.
 Anne died estranged from me, with me shamed and villified. I was on the streets, shamed, villified and cut off from my old friends, while everyone only knew bad things about me.
Scott-Joynt is a Christian? No.

Scott-Joynt and Fisher had me brutalized and detained weeks after Anne’s funeral, where Jane Fisher had tried to make me go and sit with Anne’s ashes in a cold dark church at night so that my abuser could go to Anne’s funeral in peace, and he was no friend of hers, he went to weddings, funerals and Chrsitenings to be seen and for the social. And Fisher used my reaction to this against me to the police, giving her side of Anne and my friendship which she and the Scott-Joynts had violated.
These are the things that no therapy can heal.

Anyway, back to using a relate counsellor who was friends with Anne at that meeting, that was blatantly a conflict of interests, this relate worker who was Lou Scott-Joynt’s colleague and my friend’s friend, and Bishop Scott-Joynt is claimed to have written to me to arrange the meeting, when in reality, and I have the evidence, which I will post, I asked for that meeting when the Dean called me wicked and said I wasn’t abused!
 And the reality is that Bishop Scott-Joynt led the meeting and I asnwered his questions, so he has no right to be ‘dissapointed’ that I talked about the way I was being treated in the Jersey Deanery, when the meeting was called as an emergency by ME when I was called wicked by the Dean, who used JM and the Lihous as examples.
Christianity? Not what the church is about, deceit, lying, collaboration and wrongdoing, yes, that is what the Church is about.

How would Bishop Scott-Joynt or Jane Fisher like to be publicly flayed for all their wrongs and perceived wrongs, with their side omitted, when they are vulnerable and traumatized?
I don’t think they would like it, but they are strong, settled, well-off, not abused, and are able to cover, their perceived wrongs very well indeed, judging by Jane Fisher being able to jeer last year by referring me to the NSPCC in a continued violation of my rights after everything, including my complaint against her and my complaints to the police.

Because basically I am still dismissed as mad and bad, and until that changes and I am protected from the Diocese and their record against me, this remains a massive injustice and the only comfort I get is that Micheal Scott-Joynt with all his riches, rudeness and lack of Christianity, going to hell, as is Jane Fisher. And no amount of their airy-fairy defensive theology will change that.

A human being is trapped between life and death and in a non-life, and they are responsible and have not been held responsible on this earth as I have for all my sins and those of abusers and wrongdoers in the Church of England.

So, Bishop Scott-Joynt, the man who represents why the Church of England needs to go, so that the poor can find God too and so that hundreds of thousands of vulnerable people and children will not be abused by this government department and further damaged by the government department for being themseleves, while the wrongdoers are defended because of their money and status and the danger of ‘scandal’.

In the end, all Scott-Joynt and Fisher acheived was permenantly destroying me, which thye have made no effort to change, undo the damage with honesty and forgiveness, and I remain destroyed and thus, no matter what ‘Good Work’ they do, show off about, they will be going to hell, and they can and will rubbish that, but it remains the case.

Here again is my psychological report.

http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/13082013.html

A Question for the Diocese

How many other abuse survivors will you or have you launched on and left maligned and smeared and having to use media such as this to defend themselves and tell their true story after defamatory reports and smear campaigns leave them ruined and misrepresented?

What you did was not safeguarding or anything to do with it, it was a very badly failed PR stunt.
You have inflicted terrible damage on me for no reason, I may have a temper, but I also have conditions, and have been in circumstances that influence/ed that.

I think what you have done is terrible, it has injured me terribly and was the most foolhardy and aimless and dangerous action that could possibly have been taken, and I remain suffering the consequences every day, and if you further the damage with more reports that omit me, you will either increase my suffering or kill me.

Jersey revisited -Korris omissions and inaccuracies, continued

I guess now that I have busted the miffs about what happened before I came to Jersey.
I had better start on Jersey stuff.
This is tricky, because trauma still wipes out my memory of Jersey, and there are so many documents and emails that it is difficult to know where to start.
I guess I had better start with a statement I just found while looking through files.
It appears to be a reaction to the Korris report, answering some of the inaccuracies:

EY and the church:
Sometimes people came into the room when Ey was hugging me alone but nothing was done, he was not discouraged.
One time I was a bit embarrassed because EY was hugging me deeply alone in the store room downstairs from the church hall and a lady came in, she looked at us funny but said nothing.
Nothing was said to me by anyone in church but EY told me that people ‘were talking’ about him and me, which prompted me to go and see the Vicar, and EY later told me that he had spoken to the Vicar and told him there was nothing to worry about.
The church were aware of things like EY taking me sailing and EY taking me from church to an empty Romerils warehouse after church. (EY worked for Romerils). He told me he had been warned at work for his tactility. EY was making something at the warehouse. He spoke to me in an inappropriate way while we were sailing, inappropriate as in sexually. And at the warehouse he got me to talk about being sexually abused in the past.
No-one in church ever intervened in Ey hugging me, and he would reach out for me and take my hand while in conversation with me.
**** **** told me that it came up in investigation into Ey’s behaviour with me that EY had been wrongly involved with another female, who was in England.

‘Moving from church to church:
With finding a church, the reason I moved church was to get away from Jane Fisher and the Dean and/or other people because they caused me to be unwelcome, Jane Fisher probably tries to make out that the grapevine was not working against me, but it was, and **** ***** recounted to me how I was branded and I was humiliated.  every time my church was influenced, I could not be part of the congregation and in the end it was blatantly Jane Fisher and the Bishop who drove me from St. Clements and Tracy and interfered at St. ********, and by the time I was at there, I had already lost my life in that three weeks when I fled to England to escape Jane Fisher and Tracy’s attempt to have me sectioned -which is omitted from the Korris report. I was already ruined by the time I arrived at St. ******** church.

Jane Fisher:
I say again, I was not clear on what Jane Fisher wanted, or was doing, she was rude and unhelpful, vague and making things out to be different to how they were. I did not understand her or what she was doing, I was not made clear that my complaint had been taken seriously at ANY POINT, and if I had been then I might have been less angry and not tried to make the Dean see that he had done wrong. The whole situation might have been better if the Bishop had withdrawn Jane Fisher from contact with me as I asked repeatedly for years and got someone helpful and clear to help me. I did not understand Jane Fisher, and I said so, she is barely literate and uses a spellchecker that turns her words American and she doesn’t even make sense in what she says and writes and she can be very nasty and apparently get away with it.

As far as I know, I did not involve anyone who was ‘innocent’ in my emails, I sent emails cc people who had rejected me or been involved, withdrawn pastoral care and help with no notice and no reason and people who were obviously involved in the matter or had treated me unfairly due to what they had heard. I felt condemned by these people and I wanted my side heard. I also sent the complaints to other people on the Diocese list because I was not being heard, getting no response from the Bishop and I would not deal with Jane Fisher and her coldness and denials. I blocked her in the spring of 2009 and only unblocked her in 2010 because Tracy wanted me to communicate with her.

In the end the fact that I could not get away from Jane Fisher and the Dean was causing me severe distress, I wanted to worship where I would not be slandered and where people would not warn against me behind my back. The Dean was blatantly allowed to know where I worshipped and Jane Fisher said so in an email of hers that I have.

Abuse of good nature?
The Korris report seems to be based on what Jane Fisher has on record, and omits my side of what happened with George and Jill Lihou and the M’s, Jane Fisher never asked for my side and was not interested. I did briefly try to describe it all, immediately after Bob Key called me wicked and used the Lihous and the M’s as an example, again without my side of things having been known to him but briefly and to the Bishop and Jane Fisher who did not care about my side and do not seem to have recorded it for the Korris report.

The fact is and was that the Lihous and M’s had their own problems and own histories of problems, their involvement with me was not healthy, but I feel very much scapegoated by the use of them against me and Jane Fisher appears not to have taken my side of things on board. They are not villified as I have been either, again reinforcing the continued brand by the Diocese of Winchester that I am worse than an abuser.

Comments about me abusing hospitality or good nature or something? Again, this is the Lihous and M’s or the hypochondriac couple, and I should not have been judged on this while my side was not heard or reported on. The M’s have not been shamed and slandered in the press recentlyfor what they did to F’s daughter and then to me, so why am I being shamed? The Lihous are not being shamed for Jill’s mental illness that meant she wanted her daughter to die or be injured for years and for claiming she was my carer and having me put on a medicine that caused me to be admitted to hospital, so why am I shamed for reacting to them? Jan Korris considers the whole matter to be me ‘abusing people’s good nature’ and has not interviewed me and included my views. She has acted on Jane Fisher’s behalf instead.

Jane Fisher:
What makes me very angry is that Jane Fisher has been excused her slander of me and interference in my life when I returned to the mainland by making out it was about ‘making the clergy in Winchester aware of me so that safe boundaries were set’ and something about ensuring that nothing more than spiritual support was offered’.
Rubbish, what a terrible cover-up for a terrible terrible inflicting of damage by Fisher and Wolvlsey on top of what I had suffered in Jersey!

Basically what happened was that Jane Fisher did not give me a second chance and a chance to rebuild my life, she had given me a bad name in Winchester, behind my back, I was not told that everyone had been ‘warned’ about me. But I was shouted at by a vicar and I overheard myself being talked about in a terrible way by people in one church, they were not aware that I had been abused, not aware of my side of things and not even aware that I was autistic, they made me out to be trouble, to be someone who just swore and shouted. The woman in question was not a priest, she was an assistant in a church that I tried to belong to, and one of the priests, who had previously been friendly when I lived in Winchester, refused to speak to me or even look at me. Nor was this slander that covered the Bishop and Diocese’s backs limited to the Anglican church in Winchester, it went through every church, just as it did in Jersey.

I was condemned, I had not escaped from Jane Fisher. And I pleaded with the diocese to bring justice and to stop interfering.
Jane Fisher also completely violated me with contact with the homeless services, instead of me being able to be me and be someone who was suffering because of what had happened. I was someone who had been bad, and I was refused access to a women’s refuge in a very humiliating way as a result, and that was just one of many humiliations. That Jan Korris excuses and omits, so that it looks like it was all innocent and with good intentions.
The Korris report is not just defamatory but shields a very very dangerous safeguarding official who has the power unsupervised, so drive a vulnerable person to their death rather than see wrongdoers openly seen for what they are.

Diocese intervention:
The homeless shelter manager was unhelpful when I told her I was frightened because of the noise and intimidation in the shelter, she had heard about me, so I wasn’t allowed to be me and be frightened and hurt. I was bad.

The support worker linked to the nightshelter who initially was helping me confirmed to me that the Diocese had contacted the nightshelter, I was furious and violated, but she tried to make it ok by telling me that they wanted to know what church I was at so they could ‘help’ me, so far the diocese’s ‘help’ had damaged me beyond repair and left me driven out of churches.  The support worker appears to have been warned off helping me once she had told me and I made the homeless services aware that I knew, and she would hurry in the opposite direction when she saw me, despite me having not said or done anything bad or abusive to her.

I was left ashamed and violated and unable to be part of the community in Winchester as I had been in previous years. I even used another name to try and be safe but it didn’t work in Winchester because people knew me and I knew them. Winchester was my home town from age 17.
I was left with only the addicts and alcoholics for company as they had no care for what the church had to say, but I wondered why the church didn’t slander and shame them, why I was slandered and shamed and left unable to hold my head up, while the Diocese claimed this was helping me when I had been so hurt by the church.
I was driven from the daycentre, having left the nightshelter early on, The daycentre tried to threaten and force me back into the nightshelter, as they were in close contact, and I went mad with distress and they failed to force me back but I never trusted them again. and the Diocese continued to involve themselves against me through these authorities, so I had the ‘criminal record’ thrown back in my face all the time and was not allowed to be me or be good.
Trying to escape the Diocese.
I tried to get away from the diocese by going further afield in Hampshire and failed, and as I was being forced out of Winchester by the intervention of the Diocese which meant I felt unable to access any services or any churches, and the diocese had made contact with all my dear old friends and violated me and left me shamed in front of my friends, I started moving round the country to get away and fled Winchester altogether.
Jane Fisher did not at any time have my permission to be involved in my case with the homeless services and the data protection act has been breached many times in this matter.

The Diocese may claim to have been trying to help by giving their side of things to churches and homeless services but in fact what they did was drive me from housing services and support services that I was trying to co–operate with, prevent me from being part of a church and shamed me to the churches and basically were as unchristian as possible in giving their opinion, which left me shamed and isolated and eventually as a long-term rough sleeper, unable to feel safe in a church or engage with anyone who tried to help me.

Being trapped:
As a result of a set-up situation in Winchester, where a woman who was friends with the Bishop and his wife and Jane Fisher did not tell me she was friends with them but invited me to live at herhouse and was in contact about me, I have since felt unable to trust anyone who reaches out to me.
The woman took me home, seemingly innocently and unknowing of who I was, invited me to stay, left me alone with £70 for the washing machine repair man the day after she invited me to stay (I guessed she knew from somewhere that I was honest with money) – which aroused my suspicion, as did the phonecalls that she cut off when I came into the room.
But never told me she was connected to Jane Fisher and the Bishop until something that Lou scott-Joynt said to me made me realise and I confronted this woman on Christmas eve. Not aggressively.
The woman went on about how she would always be friends with the Bishop and I wouldn’t change that, I said that I wanted the Bishop and Jane Fisher to stop interfering and making me out to be mentally ill and because I was very upset, this woman replied that I was making it look like they were right.
She said that Jane Fisher had said I would react like this.

I was furious, because from the start, Jane Fisher had gone behind my back, never had I actually been included in the picture of me that was painted to people, and if I had actually been included in any of the arrangements about me, instead of me being effectively slandered to the churches and people, then things may well have been more successful. But it wasn’t about me, it was about protecting the diocese.
I think anyone would be angry to find out that they had been arranged behind their back by the people who destroyed them, set up, and I was being told by this woman that I was acting as if I was mentally ill when I reacted.

I decided to leave the house, and this woman tried forcibly to stop me by trapping me in the bedroom that she had allocated to me, (she had told me that I would move to an attic room after Christmas). she told me that I was the one who was causing the problem – this is despite the fact that I had been misled by her because I had not been made aware that she was acting for Jane Fisher and the Bishop and influenced by them (which would probably be denied).
And I was physically having to fight to get away from her.
I had a lot of luggage. Which included presents from friends and goodies I had got to share with the rough sleepers on Christmas day and presents I had got for this woman. I had to leave a lot of that behind. And it was later apparently taken to the homeless daycentre which I no longer attended, taken by Jane Fisher, and an attempt was made by her and the staff there to contact me through a homeless friend, and I abandoned that friendship in distress and disgust at the violation.

Anyway, I escaped from this woman, who was trying to stop me, and I ran up the road with no shoes on, and the ground was covered in ice and snow, I was screaming with distress. I phoned Jane Fisher and the Bishop and begged and begged to be left alone. Jane Fisher later used these phonecalls against me in court in Sussex in 2011, claiming I repeatedly phoned her on Christmas eve and Christmas day, but she apparently ommitted the reason that I did this as it was not read out in court.
I was desparate to get away from the Diocese and to stop them interfering.
It is omitted from the Korris report how Fisher and Scott-Joynt liased and attempted to have me put away in Sussex as a result of me continuing to fight them to undo the injustice and bad name they gave me and deal with my complaint.

Returning from Jersey to Winchester to a continued nightmare.
I came back to Winchester in October 2010 unaware that I was already given a bad name in Winchester and unaware that I would not be able to join a church and be a proper part of the congregation and receive pastoral care for the wounds I had from Jersey, unaware that I would not be able to make friends and naturally build relationships, unaware that I was to lose my long-term friends and in a repeat of what happened in Jersey, be shamed in the community so that I couldn’t hold my head up.
While my abusers were never subjected to such appalling and demoralizing treatment! And because they are not vulnerable, lone or disabled, the diocese couldn’t treat them like that even if they wanted to, but the diocese focussed on ruining and maligning me, not my abusers.

And the effect of what happened meant I fled Winchester but was left unable to trust churches and church people and rebuffing help and getting distressed and suspicious when people managed to help me, leaving me fulfilling the Diocese’s opinion of me.
But not completely.

People who slipped under the Diocesan radar and befriended me:
Among all the nightmare situation in Winchester, a couple approached and befriended me, and it is thanks to them I didn’t commit suicide, they saved my life with their words and friendship and despite attempts at intervention by the Diocese and people connected to the Diocese, which included Lou Scott-Joynt trying to get me to give her this couple’s surname and attempts by people in the homeless services to speak to this couple,but this couple were real Christians and I was able to keep this friendship, although I had to ask this couple to keep our continued friendship a secret, and in the years between 2011 and 2013 I was in contact with them in strict secrecy and they agreed not to discuss me or let anyone know that they were in contact with me. This is what kept that friendship, it was kept away from intervention and influence by the Diocese. And, as my former healthy friendships were, it has remained healthy because this couple are not using me to meet their own unmet needs, they have boundaries and need space and so do I, my problems occur when people get over-involved and have problems of their own – described in the Korris report as me abusing people’s good nature or hospitality or something.

My friends who slipped under the radar in what the Diocese did that would have otherwise left me unable to develop relationships in any church in Winchester and not aware of why, the Diocese did all this behind my back and yet claimed to be helping me. I was an object to the Diocese, no feelings, no needs, just to be who and what they said I was in order to protect themselves, and the Bishop said to me during the time I was in Winchester that I was to blame for what happened , and I cannot think of anything further from safeguarding than that, them protecting themselves and blaming me. In fact I would have been extremely open to any predator in the Winchester Deanery as a result of being talked about, because it made me defenceless, I had a bad name and a bad record and would have had no-one to turn to if I had been abused.
( I have felt very vulnerable on the streets because I know if I am abused I cannot report it because of the way I have been treated by the Diocese and the police) basically anyone can rape me but I cannot report it.

This was highlighted by the police’s attitude when I intercepted a call from Lou Scott-Joynt to one of my friends about me immediately after my arrival back in Winchester. I went to the police and begged the Diocese to be made to leave me alone, but to no avail and I was basically treated as if I was mad, and nothing was done as far as I know. Basically, even in this day and age, disabled and vulnerable people remain poweless against abuse in the church, we are ‘mad’ for repeatedly standing up and speaking, and those of us who cannot or dare not speak are basically there to be used in any way the powerful in the church want to use us.
Disabled and vulnerable people are also constantly treated very badly by the police, and since the Korris report came out, I have heard of hundreds of cases of police brutality and injustice, and the police are never called to account.

Taking my friends off me:
My friends who befriended me during this time back in Winchester (in February 2011), and who the Diocese did not manage to take off me, despite Lou Scott-Joynt asking me for their surname and despite certain people speaking to them about me, are prepared to make a statement about how they see me. They are aware of my temper when I am frightened and frustrated and can also confirm how I have asked them to keep our friendship secret in order to protect me and them from further intervention but they can give an account of the real me, who is not described very well in the Korris report, which seems to be based on Jane Fisher’s records, and Jane Fisher was never a friend of mine. Fisher has gone out of her way to destroy, demoralise and defame me, all while pretending to care.
(A statement was made by my friend on my behalf last year).

The safeguarding that left me unable to get help:
What the Diocese did with their intervention in Winchester on my return from Jersey was get their side accross and leave me isolated and a permenant rough sleeper who was unable to trust anyone, especially the churches, where I should have felt safe, forgiven and included. They did not allow me another chance in my life after destroying me and I have struggled to trust and allow people to help me since then.
Right now I am expecting arrest at Jane Fisher’s hands again, and am unable to access medical help or homeless outreach for fear of being traced. Even though all of this comes from the Korris report which covers Jane Fisher’s back and which meant I have been traced and left yet again at the mercy of diocese and police, which is why I am writing this, because I am being driven mad by this crazy report and fear of church and police, I wasn’t provoking them when they traced me, I was beaten, not fighting back any more.

The diocese may make my perception out to be distorted, but I know what I experienced and was on the receiving end of and they have a bias in order to make out that they were only doing the right thing.

Report and friends:
The report fails to mention my happy and succesful relationships that were long term and were only detroyed as a result of all that happened in the end in Jersey and the Diocese’s intervention when I returned to the UK mainland. It just mentions me ‘abusing people’s good nature’ and gives no details and none of my side of things. No allowance is made for the psychological side of why I didn’t bond well with the people I am deemed to have abused, and no understanding is given of the politics of the church in a wealthy diocese and the attitude of the consistently well off people I encountered who did not understand me in poverty and disability.
Basically I feel damned as bad, left in danger, and that report seems to cover up for other people who hurt me, especially Jane Fisher.

Escape from the Diocese:

since escpaing from the Diocese of Winchester in 2011. I have been living in fear of their continued intervention which hurt me so much and changed my name to try and escape them, but I remained traumatized and unable to trust anyone or deal with conflict, so I continued to struggle and be vulnerable. I was a mess, I was a mess who was trying to stay away from homeless services and interventions that would cause me to be traced by the Diocese or the homeless services in Winchester or the police.
Being traced by the police recently was a huge shock and made me feel that I had spent two years in hiding in vain and was now going to be back under the Diocese’s intervention and police attacks for reacting. I was horrified that the cycle of police and diocese intervention was going to start occuring again and rip my life apart, and as far as I know, it still might. The Diocse have refused to reassure me that they will not intervene in my life again and tried to make out I have requested for them to stop contacting me, not that I have requested for them to stop intervening.

Peadophile cover up in L:
The report mentions me being unforgiving about an ‘organist’ in my former parish being convicted of peadophilia. The whole account is innaccurate. The man convicted was a youth leader – of the youth group that I both belonged to and assisted with, he led the services that myself and other youth helped to run, he worked closely with us, and he was also on the mission support committee that I was part of. He had made me feel small about some of my ideas on the mission support team in the past, but he had also said things about his relationship with a vulnerable child before that caused me concern, but no-one else in church seemed worried about him. The incident where he worried me was when he talked about one of his frequent trips to Romania to the church and talked about how he was bathing a young girl, alone. No one else seemed to pick up on this but there were obvious concerns that he had committed misconduct there when it all came to light in the end.

The problem was, in the end, not my unforgiveness but my shock. And not just towards him. I was shocked because I didn’t know at the time how the church of England hushes things up, and they tried to hush this up, and as well as seeming to be unaware that this man had previously been warned about inappropriate touching of children, and had continued letting him be involved, they were ‘keeping it quiet’ that he had been arrested.
But because I was friends with and in contact with a number of churchwardens and readers and people who held positions in the church, I heard and overheard and was told what had happened.

I was shocked and went to JM, who was my friend as well as being the Vicar in the Benefice even though she had hurt me and was hurting me. I went to her in shock because I had worked and worshipped alongside this man in the Benefice for so long. JM once again let me down with her attitude, she claimed I was unforgiving – this was immediately after I had heard the news and who does forgive a betrayal like this instantly?! JM told me that we were all judged by God and that I would be judged by God the same as this man because of my Asperger Syndrome, basically I interpreted that as that I was as bad as a peadophile who collects child pornography as this man did because I was disabled, I challenged JM on this but was left with no clarification nor did she withdraw this statement.

I was shocked, horrified and never actually able to get anyone to help me with this, it was a trauma. JM went on to say that the man’s abused adopted son had forgiven him so who was I to hold a grudge?. She refused to acknowledge that actually I was horrified and traumatized that someone I had known and worked with in church and eaten meals with and helped at events with had done something to hurt children he had been trusted with, that he had not only done this to children in the school where he worked as a special needs teacher with children with learning difficulties, but according to my friend, he was possibly wanted on similar charges relating to the orphanage in Romania. But JM wanted me to be quiet about it, just as she had said to me about FM’s (her husband’s) misconduct to me and to FM’s own daughter, she said it was my word (and the daughter’s word) against FM, and she wanted both matters silenced and out of mind. The way the church hushed this up horrified me almost as much as the actual things that had happened.
JM always took the attitude that abuse victims are whingers and abusers are just victims themselves, which she did in this case.

This was an incident among many that caused tensions and problems between me and JM but I gather that this is where I am described as ‘abusing her good nature’ in the Korris report.
I did not object to the peadophile being re-integrated back into the church community, I expressed shock that I would not know how to relate to him but when I heard he was coming on the benefice walk I decided I would relate to him as normal as part of the group. However, this must have been where the diocese intervened and he did not come on the walk, nor was openly heard of again in the benefice, just my friends sometimes said they were going to see him and told me about some woodwork he was doing. His wife remained in the church community and close to some of my circle of friends who were also her friends, I related to her as normally as I could or did and felt very sad for her and as shy of her as I was previously and never mentioned her husband or what he had done.

Another thing that horrified me, and I wonder if you can see why, is that people in the benefice, friends of mine, though I broke off that relationship, wrote in support of this man saying he was a ‘good man really’, if someone abuses disabled and orphaned children while making out to be helping them, then they are not a ‘good man really’, abuse affects someone for the rest of their life, and it was the most vulnerable people who were abused, so that man is not a good man really. That is not to say that with time to get over the shock I did not forgive this man. But the account given totally misrepresents the situation and also leaves out the huge background situation of me and JM, which I gather is referred to as me abusing her good nature. The repeat of me going through some of what JM’s stepdaughter went through is omitted completely. The stepdaughter was kept a secret from the community.

The Korris report wrongly portrays me being unforgiving of an organist who was convicted of peadophilia, what I have written above is a more accurate portrayal of that whole situation.
What has scarred me and damaged my faith in the church, which as a body that supposedly follows Christ, should have integrity and transparancy, and yet covered this matter up and condemned me for my shock and for knowing about this matter when I should not have done, as none of the main body of the congregation who did not hold positions in church were supposed to know and those who did hold positions were supposed to keep it quiet.

Very few people I have known in that extremely wealthy benefice and indeed in the very wealthy diocese of Winchester have experienced abuse, they are not vulnerable people, and I was usually in a minority in the churches, disabled, poor, no family, an easy target and no one was able to empathise with me because they did not know what it was like to be vulnerable in those ways. But Korris claims that it was me abusing their good nature.  But she does that with no input from me about what I suffered at the hands of the church of england in my 10 dreadful years as a member.
Nor does she speak of the good side of my church relationships or the work I did for the church, it is a biased and unbalanced report.

Jane Fisher’s meeting

Jane Fisher, who never dealt with my complaint and rubbished me. Had an obsession with trying to get me into a meeting.
The problem was, she was told no, over and over again because of her scorn and rubbishing of me.

But she didn’t give up, because she is spoilt and thinks she can always get her way, so she trashed helpful mentoring relationships to try and get me into this meeting.
She repeatedly tried to use Philip LeClaire to force this meeting on me, despite me telling him that he was not to act on behalf of the diocese while working with me, not to set things up  for them, not to communicate with them about me, etc.
Sadly my privacy there was ignored and confidences breached, hence me not trusting Philip.

Tracy was also used repeatedly as a mouthpiece for Fisher, which again, broke my trust for her, and she was used to try and get this meeting, which I refused.
Fisher even tried to get me into this meeting with Tracy there as my ‘friend’.
Tracy ceased to be anything good or trustworthy for me the day Fisher got her claws in.

The question is, why did Fisher rip through my personal life to try and force a meeting on me about my abuser, when she had done nothing about my abuser? And still hasn’t.

The Apologist 2

To all and anyone who I have ever offended or distressed, I am sorry.

I do not pick fights, am not violent, I do react to how people treat me.
And sometimes I vastly overreact.
Behind my anger is pain and fear.
I do not know why you hurt me, I am afraid because I have been hurt.
I do not understand why I am always to blame, always the one who is sorry.

Over and over again I know that abuse and abuse of trust are not my fault, but when I apologize for my reaction, I do not get an apology in reply.
I carry the burden of every burst of anger, every cross word I have uttered,
but the consistent thing about neurotypical people is that they don’t carry what they have done to me,
they don’t apologize and they do not take responsibility,
I am eaten up with shame, every day of my life,
but no-one else ever is.

It is funny, well not really, but it makes me long to be ‘normal’
and shrug off my wrongs and pass them on to someone else.

The Diocese has put me in the centre of the Circus and whipped me for my anger
but that has not cured me,
if anything it has made me worse
more angry and more guilt and shame ridden,
but I am not violent
do not intend anger and do not see fights
I react

and as yet,
in the ongoing stress of the situation
there is no hope of curing my tendency to lash out
because the stress is preventing healing
and my anger comes from wounds