The police, the church and me, part 1.

The police, even those in Jersey who are supposedly SPELL trained, have no understanding of autism and no wish to understand it, it comes under ‘madness’ to them and they treat people with autism as such, their attitude to madness is singularly that it is a crime, to brutalize someone and not allow a complaint because ‘madness’ means that your bruises and pain are not real, they are all in your mind.

The first police brutalization was in Basingstoke, in the year before I went to Jersey, this was as a result of me making the Lihous go home after they spent a day with me in Dorset making my life an utter misery with their relentless boasting, I had no money at the time and was in debt and worried sick, trying to complete college, the Lihous did the usual, boasting incessantly about all the things their grandchildren in Jersey and Guernsey had, I was shamed, belittled and miserable and in the end shouted at them and told them to go home and stop boasting.

They did but when I went to apologize, George Lihou chased me up the road shouting and saying I made his wife ill, he did not tell his wife he did this, and I ran and ended up in a terrible state a mile away and unfortunately the police found me, decided I was mad, brutalized me and forcibly flung me in a cell, I was seen by a doctor who told them to release me as there was no mental illness – not true in the fact I was battling horribly with depression because Jill Lihou had had me put on a dangerous drug that she was supposed to guard and administer and yet claimed to me that it made her ill doing so.

When the police found me, I wasn’t doing anything criminal, just sitting in my car, depressed and despairing, I had been suffering the Lihous boasting and controlling and decision making for a year and was struggling through college with no money while every conversation with the Lihous was about what their family had, private schools, music lessons, dance lessons, holidays, etc, the Lihous refused offended when I asked them if we could talk less about what their family had while I was battling in poverty to get through college.

I was mentally ill in that the Lihous were making me ill, I was not delusional, hallucinating or schitzophrenic, but the police both treated me as if I was mad and beat and flung me about and locked me up for it.
It remains a baffle to me as to why the police are not aware that suicide is not a crime and distress is not a good reason to beat someone and throw them in a cell and then release them – the end result likely is that person, already distressed, now severely traumatized, is released to commit suicide.

Anyway, when I went to North Walls in October 2010, when Lou Scott-Joynt had accidentally phoned me instead of phoning my friend of mine who she intended to phone to get the Diocese’s side of things accross, the police treated me as mad then, and said ‘this has happened before, hasn’t it?’ leaving me baffled as they did not say what ‘this’ was, again, branding me as mentally ill and thus not valid.And the police refused to prevent the diocese from contact with or about me, and instead repeatedly met with them and the council, breaching confidences and the date protection act repeatedly.

Even though I had been released from Basingstoke police station at 2am suffering severe trauma from my beating for the crime of suspected insanity, with the doctor declaring me not mentally ill.
It is a funny pattern that the police never recognize the results of the assessment and release each time, and continue to treat me as mad just because they have beaten me and locked me in.

The police had moved my car, and it had almost no petrol in it for me to get home.

So, Basingstoke was the first church-related police beating and detention in 2007 or 2008.

The Lihous afterwards, George did not tell Jill he had shouted at me, chased me or blamed me for her mental illness, which she had been suffering for decades, which had in the past led to her hoping her children would die, but funnily enough I do not believe she was beaten and locked up for those incidences or any other, and she did do some unusual things in her illness, not least having me put on a drug that my body didn’t cope with, and telling the doctor she would administer it as she was a former nurse, and then telling me that looking after my drugs made her ill.

So, Jill had no idea Goerge had shouted and chased me when I came to apologize, and was deeply upset when I refused to stay with them every time she asked -they had gone from having me home every weekend to when it suited them, with no input from me and input from their family in Jersey instead, Reverend Phil Warren and Heather Warren, the daughter that Jill wished dead when she was younger.

So, when I finally went back to the Lihous, Jill asked why I cringed and tried to escape from George, and I told her, I thought she knew, he chased and shouted at me, she didn’t and it made her upset again, when George came home she confronted him, and he muttered ‘sorry’ and turned away, which was not enough to repair things, and I was always very uncomfortable with him after that, especially when Jill started crying in church because I was narrating the drama and then helping with sidesmans duties, I do not know why that made her cry but she was like that, always upset and very intense about things, and I fled church for fear of George going mad again.

The relationship with the Lihous was never healthy and never recovered. Nor did I, the injustice and Post-Traumatic Stress of the police beating hadn’t gone by the time I arrived in Jersey.
The record it gave me horrified me, because I hadn’t done anything wrong to be so brutally flung around, and I was left with massive bruises and shock, and I had to try and explain to my landlady and college why I was injured and shocked.

I also saw my doctor, who mentioned trauma but did nothing.

And the branding for being in despair over the Lihous affected my record all the way to Winchester in 2010, where the police disregarded my complaint as that of a ‘mad person’ even though I was assessed as free from mental illness, and this happened in Jersey as well and back in Winchester, basically vulnerable people who get to a point where they cannot cope, are treated with contempt by police because of their inability to cope, so I was and have been, left with the Church harming me, and no defence because the police consider their detentions of me to mean I am insane and not credible.
I wonder how many other vulnerable people suffer and die horribly this way and are branded ‘mentally ill’ if they commit suicide as the result of trauma or lack of protection from their tormentors.

And where are the Diocese in this? Using the Lihous against me, because the Diocese only heard one side, from the Dean-Warrens-Lihou-Montague collaberation to try and clear all the wrongdoers and brand me.

Funny how George Lihou sent me a snotty note about how I was to forgive, when I told the Lihous I was traumatized by what happened, and yet they have remained unforgiving their part in condemning me for what happened, one sided, my side unheard.

The other thing, I nearly missed out, the police do not understand conditions such as autism and trauma, and so when they put me in a tiny cage, after brutalizing me in front of my fellow homeless in Winchester in 2011, and untruthfully claiming I tried to bite one of them when I ducked my head as he continued to throw me around, I was frozen with terror, and instead of letting me calm down, the police dragged me by my jumper accross the police yard, choking me and exposing me.
If this is how they treat people who are considered to be ill, who are traumatized and claustrophobic, what hope is there?

I am autistic and touch sensetive, especially in my upper arms, each police brutality has involved brutally tight squeezing of my upper arm, leaving bruises, and for no reason, I am not violent, I was terrified each time, frozen in terror, and that is what they did to me as a result.
I get the feeling it is an almost enjoyable experience for the police to beat and brutalize defenceless people, each time they are smiling, laughing, talking about their personal lives.

In Winchester in 2011, the police apparently acted out of Jane Fisher’s ‘compassion’ after the public brutalization and locking me in a cage and dragging me by the scruff of the neck through the policeyard, and instead of locking me in the cell, left the door open and sat in the doorway, as if that was any less terrifying or as if what had already been done had not been done, I am scarred for life by that incident and will never recover.
The police kept me for 24 hours, jeering I was mad, talking outside the cell of a hospital to send me to, refusing, even when asked by my former counsellor, to get a female officer to see me, and an appropriate adult, they told my former counsellor that they ‘couldn’t change things to suit me’, even though they were obliged to make provision for me as a vulnerable adult, they did not.

I was released utterly traumatized, each time I am beaten and locked in for being distressed, the injury it has caused has left me very ill and unable to function and has left me scarred for life, the horror of the diocese being able to trace me as they have, through those same police, and release press reports and try and silence me, has left me living in terror and unable to live a full and normal life.
Why is the law one-sided on the side of those who have power, why are the Diocese allowed to harm me and I am not allowed to protest because the police branded me incorectly?

My psychological report.

http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/for-limited-time-only-here-is-my.html#.U3jGltJdXJk

W-h-o’-s W-h-o In the Winchester and Jersey Disaster 1 The Scott-Joynts

Bishop Scott-Joynt: A bad tempered and irresponsible man who always managed a public mask of being ‘kind’. Not a kind man, he refused to deal with my complaint and frequently tried to force on me that Jane Fisher’s bullying, violation of my privacy and rights, condemnation of me and denial of what was happening in Jersey was ‘Jane Fisher only being kind and helping me’.
Bishop Scott-Joynt repeatedly had police action against me for trying to get him to deal with my complaint, he retired and left me homeless, destitute and very much still suffering the injustice.
I continued to ask him to deal with the matter and tell him that a servant of God does not retire, and does not retire leaving someone suffering, he continued to have me brutalized and detained by police. Showing that he wasn’t and never was, a servant of God.

Lou Scott-Joynt:
Lou Scott-Joynt was brought into this matter to ‘listen to me’ by Jane Fisher and Michael Scott-Joynt, and was given their inaccurate side of things, thus doing more harm than good, in fact her involvement was catastrophic.
Interestingly enough though, even though she was a key witness, she was noticably omitted for police actions as a witness although she should have been a witness, I have no doubt she was omitted because she wouldn’t have been able to be dishonest.

Among some of the damages done by her involvement was her repeating the defamation by the Dean-Lihou-Warren collaberation that was used to defame me as a troublemaker and let the Dean and the Churchwarden off and brand me as a troublemaker, Lou Scott-Joynt didn’t know my side but repeated the defamation passed on by Jane Fisher and her husband, who also never got my side of things or tried to,  Lou Scott-Joynt also said ‘Oh, what did Bob do wrong?’ implying that again her husband and Jane Fisher had let the Dean off, this led to me going to the Dean’s house to ask why the Dean was so dishonest about his actions – this was used in court and claimed I went round there shouting and swearing, which I didn’t, just as I never went to Wolvsley shouting and swearing, my actions in both cases were purely because I was being hurt and dishonesty about it were driving me mad with distress.

Lou Scott-Joynt continued to be a nuisance on my return to Winchester from Jersey, contacting my friends, and when I went to the police they did nothing, she also asked for the surnames of friends who remained with me, in order presumably, to intervene, but failed to.
She and her husband and Jane Fisher slandered and libelled me round winchester, claiming I phoned Lou, swearing, when I never did, and they omitted the abuse, the cover ups, and my autism from their defamation of me.
Funny how they get to have me beaten and detained for harrassment because I spoke up in reply, the basic aim of the beatings and detention in Winchester was to make me not credible and get me put away to prove it and thus cover up for making me homeless and destroying me.
The police repeatedly refused my complaints, hence me continuing to deal with Wolvlsey and the Diocese myself.

These posts are going to be painful and hard to write

14 months of being publicly whipped

Because of the Bishop of Winchester’s foolhardy and harmful actions, which the Archbishop incomprehensibly condones, I have suffered 14 months of having my soul destroyed and having hatred directed at me by complete strangers.
The Archbishop praises the Bishop for this, apparently thus stating that publicly destroying an abuse survivor and subjecting her to public humiliation, hatred and smears, from people who have never met her is ok.

And, considering that the Diocese consider me to be ‘mentally ill’ don’t you think it is horrifying that they would allow this? And that the Archbishop would condone this public whipping of someone supposedly ill.

I am ill now, with the stress of 14 months of public destroyal.

I have asked the Archbishop, the Diocese, Safeguarding, the NAS, clergy abuse charities, anyone I could think of, to bring this to an end, but I have been ignored.

It is interesting that the police were prepared to brutalize me and choke me and fling me in a cell in 2011 for my distressed reaction to the diocese violating me, but here in 2014, as I continue as I did then to beg to be left alone, the police refuse to protect me, so my distressed reaction continues, leading to me being further brutalized and detained?

When is someone going to step in and end this?

The letter sent to Jersey police complaints department 13/02/09

If anyone wonders why I went mad, this is why. The incidents described in this letter below this paragraph. To me, being regressed and abused and thrown away, being told the police results in an email and being immediately brutalized and locked up – very deliberately omitted from the Korris report, which goes on about the police sending me a ‘nice letter’ which I never got, this, regressed to childhood, left back in my original childhood and some of the blank horror of what I went through then, and left abused and abandoned by EY and his wife who had always belittled me. Brutalized by police and shunned in the community, Philip LeClaire publicizing the brutality after playing a part in having me captured by police and trying to make out he was not part of that.
Bob Hill wonders why I don’t trust, why I don’t like people going behind my back.
I suffered severe Post Traumatic Stress as a result of the detention and brutalization the day the police let my abuse go, they used force, just as they always have because of my terror, and they locked me in a cell and were rude and insulting to me, for the crime of reporting an abuser.
I didn’t recover, and this is when I stopped coping, stopped coping with Jane Fisher’s nonsense, stopped coping with my abuser laughing when he saw me while he remained in church positions, stopped coping with Philip, with being shunned for reporting the man I reported, stopped coping with what was a horrible and hopeless situation, from which I didn’t and can’t recover.
 

** **** ******* ****
** ******
JE* ***
Email: ********@hotmail.co.uk

13/02/09

Police Complaints Department
Jersey

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am not at all sure if I should be writing to the police complaints department with my queries, but the DC who dealt with a complaint that I made seems unable to deal with my queries and concerns and seems more concerned with protecting my abuser. I am unwilling to contact the police again as I am afraid of them because of their treatment of me.
I am autistic, and am much more able to write than speak, I am making these queries entirely on my own.
I made a complaint to the police last year, with a bit of prompting, the complaint was about a man called Mr.******, Mr.****** is a churchwarden at St. A’s church at **** ******, Mr.****** decided to ‘adopt’ me as his daughter very shortly after meeting me, I believed that Mr.****** was trustworthy as he professed to be a Christian, but Mr ***** subjected me to unwelcome sexual advances and emotional torture, he was very careful in doing so, and made sure that I felt ‘to blame’ for my reactions to his treatment, and for a long time I took the blame.
Mr ****** told me that ‘God had told him to take me as a daughter’ and because of my faith I believed that my prayers for somewhere to belong were answered, I tried to cope with the increasing distress Mr.****** was causing me, and eventually had to tell his wife, who had never wanted a disabled ‘adoptive daughter’, I was brought into their family by her husband, for his own reasons, so I was thrown out of the family, with Mr.****** denying doing anything wrong, his wife despised me from the start, and when he heard I was making a complaint, he had the arrogance to phone an older friend of mine in order to try to get her to ‘shut me up’, she is not a good person to deal with abuse, despite being a priest, but she told him he had done wrong when he explained to her that he was trying to ‘help me’ by ‘breaking through my sexual barriers in order to cure my sexual problems’, I do not have significant sexual problems, my main problems are autism and trauma.
The matter was brought to the police, someone went with me to the police, there was a very helpful DC who’s name I cannot recall, he had shirt sleeves and a big grin, he seemed very prepared to deal with the matter. But then the matter was passed on to DC Hare, who I do not understand, and I do not understand the way he dealt with the matter or explained/didn’t explain it.
DC Hare interviewed Mr.******, he then contacted me by email with the results of the complaint, which didn’t make sense and still doesn’t. It seems to read that they ‘let poor Mr ****** off because there wasn’t enough evidence, and poor mr ****** had been under so much pressure due to the complaint that he wouldn’t do it again’. Mr ******  could not give a damn about what he has done, he has called me a liar since and has gone on with his life, he was sacked from his previous church for misconduct but he happily told me that they were mistaken, he refuses to take responsibility for his actions, and while he was abusing me he told me about how he talked sex to girls on his evangelising walk, he has not taken any responsibility for what he has done.
DC Hare told me that Mr.****** ‘admitted to most of the things I said? But said he was doing it to help me), therefore they could not prosecute Mr.******.  I do not understand this, is it legal in Jersey to force sexual contact in order to help someone? I did not understand the results , originally sent by email. I think what Mr ****** has done is wrong, but he appears to Have gained DC Hare’s sympathy. DC Hare said it was ‘on Mr.******’s record’, but I also did not understand what that meant. DC Hare was also aware that I have difficulty using a telephone, he said in his email that I could ‘phone him if I had any queries’.
If Mr ****** admitted to anything sexual, and DC Hare never explained what Mr ****** did or didn’t admit to, then why can no further action be taken?  DC Hare is obviously not willing to take further action even though I have asked. DC Hare has ignored my requests for further action or explanation, and I am afraid of DC Hare because he got me locked up.
When I received the unhelpful results of my complaint by email from DC Hare, I apparently threatened suicide, I am somewhat confused about this, but to cut a long story short I was seized by the police and locked up, I am told that this was for my own welfare, but I can see no evidence of that, DC Hare omitted to tell the police that I was autistic, dislike having my arms touched and need an appropriate adult at the police station.
Though I was very tired and ill and unable to run, and not trying to run, and was also trapped between two police officers and two cars, I was taken hold of by the upper arms, it was specifically mentioned in my statements to the police about Mr.****** that I have an extreme dislike of my upper arms being touched, because Mr ****** forced ‘therapy’ on me including constant touch of my upper arms, DC Hare, who apparently sent these officers out of ‘duty of care’ hadn’t bothered to tell the officers that he sent that I was autistic, disliked touch, and needed an appropriate adult, the officer, PC O’Brian, refused to let go of my arms even though I couldn’t run anywhere, I was panicking, I cannot begin to describe the severity of this panic to you, O’Brian said if he let go of my arm he would have to handcuff me (for the crime of reporting my abuser?), I said ‘handcuff me, let go of my arm’, he refused to do so, and I continued to panic with this nasty police officer gripping my arm when I had not commited a crime. It was only when my landlord stepped in and persuaded the officer to let go of me that he did, they then took me to the police station, they prepared to search me but I wouldn’t let them, I was absolutely out of my mind with terror. I told them not to lock me up because I suffer with claustrophobia? It means terror of enclosed spaces, they locked me up and I had a severe and prolonged panic attack, then they sent me to see a doctor who I didn’t understand and then they sent me home, no appropriate adult was present even though DC Hare was aware of my disability, and I was confused and distressed, I was shaking in severe shock and very much awake in the early hours of the next morning and the trauma of this on top of being abused by people who should have been safe, having to make a complaint, and feeling that DC Hare sympathises with Mr and MRs ******, who made my life living hell, has left me severely distressed, being ‘locked up for the crime of reporting my abusers’ did nothing for my welfare.
I still have nightmares of being on that police station floor struggling to breathe.

There was no follow up on that nasty incident. I have been left to ‘commit suicide as I please’ and I believe that if I had not been exhausted after that police incident I would have taken my own life because of how I was treated, it is incredibly cruel and twisted that the DC got me locked up and punished, while my abuser is walking around calling me a liar and has laughed the whole matter off, and he really has called me a liar.
And now my abuser is aware of me being locked up due to Phillip LeClaire publishing it in an article, it no doubt gave the ******s a good laugh to hear how I was locked up for their crime.
DC Hare offered to meet with me to ‘discuss the matter’, I was persuaded by Phillip LeClaire to attend a meeting, at short notice, though I said I was ill and couldn’t cope, I attended the meeting, but the primary aim of the meeting seemed to for DC Hare to act as a mouthpiece for the ******s to ‘shut me up’ , as I had not understood DC Hare’s email of the results of the complaint, I thought Mr ****** had simply walked away laughing, and as Mr.****** was calling me a liar, that seemed to be the case, so I had continued to tell Mr.****** off myself, he has never apologised or taken any responsibility, DC Hare ‘warned me’ that ‘people would think I was bad’ if I continued to deal with ****** myself, I felt intimidated and was afraid of being arrested again, so I was all agreement, ‘oh yes, I will behave myself, don’t lock me up for my abuser’s crimes again’. Mr ****** had phoned DC Hare, who should have dealt with Mr.******, and ‘told him I was verbally attacking him in the street.’ Mr ******’s arrogance in doing that, phoning the officer who was supposed to deal with him abusing me, and DC Hare actually trying to shut me up on ******’s behalf seems incredibly wrong.
Why was Mr ****** allowed to ask the DC who should have taken action against him to shut me up? I want something done about Mr.******, I am certain from things that he and his wife said, that he has abused before, and will again, he is very clever, hence me being punished for his crimes, and will get round the tiny mark on his CRB check, which has in big letters next to it ‘his victim is trouble’.
 I will shut up when something has been done about my abuser.  I don’t think it’s fair if it has been recorded on my CRB check instead.
DC Hare said that what ****** did was bad but not criminal  (so I am being told that sexual assault is not criminal on a disabled person?), and I am the one in danger of a criminal record, why? I am being told that Mr.****** adopting me to Abuse me, damaging me and letting me bear his wife’s fury, and throwing me away when I spoke up is my fault and the police couldn’t care less.
I was also not happy with Mr. LeClaire discussing things about me with DC Hare without my permission, but that is Mr. LeClaire’s fault. He works for Autism Jersey and wants to be on good terms with the police, hence his backing DC Hare and reference to the police being marvellous in his article where he talked about me in the paper against my wishes, that article was also without my permission and against my will, but that is Mr. LeClaire’s fault, I am in support of Mr. LeClaire’s marvellous advocacy of autistic people, but confused about some things he does.
DC Hare hasn’t clarified some things and I was too intimidated by the meeting, what did ****** admit to? If he admitted to sexual things, why are they not criminal? If he didn’t, he still did all those things, why does DC Hare believe ****** over me and stand up for him? If ****** admitted to doing some of those things to help me, why is that believed?  I feel that Mr.****** set up a situation where he could get gratification from me. Mr ****** continues in his role as church officer and works with young mothers and Yacht club cadets, he has taken no responsibility for what he has done to me, he and his wife have left me devastated. Mr ******’s excuse of doing things to ‘help me’ is made very believable by his demeanour, but it could not possibly be true, I know from living with him as his daughter that he is very sexual and has a huge problem with boundaries.
I don’t expect you to understand this, but my faith in God was central to my life, it has been destroyed by the ******s, I wanted to belong to a family, Mr ****** called me his ‘daughter’ and then I was thrown away when I started to speak up and Mr ****** denied everything, these things have hurt me more than anyone can imagine, my background was from poverty and abuse, violence and neglect, but I lived on faith and hope, that has been taken from me by these things and I have been left devastated by these things.
I don’t understand the results of my complaint, I feel that I have been called a liar, I have been traumatised and devastated, my abuser has walked away calling me a liar, the police are on his side and I expect to be arrested again and treated brutally for standing up for myself.
DC Hare did explain at the meeting that it is on Mr.******’s CRB check in the ‘greyline’ because what Mr.****** did was ‘bad but not criminal’I don’t understand what this means, does this mean it’s ok for Mr.****** to abuse because he has friends in the police? I am also concerned what this has done to my CRB check because the police are hostile to me, why is my abuser walking around laughing and calling me a liar? Lying about something like that would be horrific for me, being called a liar of something like this is horrific, I am the one suffering massively for this, for the crime of reporting my abuser, I am the one who was locked up and had my arms and brain hurt, why am I the one in massive trouble and why was I arrested for my abusers crimes?

My continued concern and request for further action has been totally ignored by DC Hare, and since I couldn’t understand his explanation of all this, I asked him for someone who could, and the address of the police complaints department, that was also ignored.
I also remain confused about being told firstly there was not enough evidence to prosecute Mr.******, then being told that he had admitted to a lot of things but because he ‘did them to help me’ it was bad not criminal’, I was not told what he admitted to, but probably not the more serious sexual things, but if he admitted to anything, why is he walking around laughing and calling me a liar while I am still suffering? I really want something done.
I have done my best to protect other vulnerable people, I do not expect to be arrested for it, but I wouldn’t be surprised.`
I am not Jersey born, I know about Haute de LA Garenne, is this just normal Jersey justice? Should I pipe down and wait for the police to think of another excuse to thrash me for being autistic yet speaking up about being mistreated? Am I going to be named and shamed in the paper?

Can you help me with my concerns please?

Sincerely,

****** ******

A birthday tribute to Bishop Michael Scott-Joynt

 
The big belly himself! What a horrible unkind man!

 Bishop Scott-Joynt chose to be ordained as a Bishop and thus be pushed higher in the ranks of the oligarchy and political circles of the Government department, the Church of England.

This government department that does nothing for the government and very little for the people apart from the rich, still uses Christianity as an excuse to exist, and in this day and age, this guise is nothing short of astounding, because they divide the rich and the poor, call the rich sheep and the poor goats.

Bishop Scott-Joynt left me suffering in Jersey, allowed Jane Fisher to injure me and claimed she was helping me, over and over, as I asked her to be withdrawn, and refused to deal with my complaint in Jersey but allowed the Key-Warren-Lihou-Ey collaboration to villify me to absolve themselves of wrongoing.
He did not want or care about my side.

 He allowed things to get unbelievably bad for me and did nothing about EY or FM and JM. He allowed them to villify me.
 He liased with Jane Fisher to ‘cover up’ and ‘prevent scandal’ at my expense.

His actions in believing the collaboration and being dishonest and obstructive with me, is a classic example of how the Church of England rubbish the poor and are there for the rich and ‘their own’.

Bishop Scott-Joynt was the ‘fifth most senior Bishop in the CofE’ and this was constantly mentioned in the press, and yet, even by his own admission, he was struggling with Diocesan Issues, and was not doing well as a Bishop, and his wife often went on about him ‘ending up a Bishop’ and often implied he was not managing well.
Funny then that he chose to take this political position, if he was not suited to it and could not manage it, and managed so badly that he destroyed an abuse victim and, deliberately, slandered her throughout her home town and all homeless and support services so that she was left shamed, whipped, ruined by the terrible opinion he and his diocese gave to these services of her so that she was shunned and shamed and left driven out and long-term homeless, and still branded and shamed to this day.

This same Bishop told the court in Sussex that he and Jane Fisher had ‘Tried to help arrange housing’ for me in Winchester, even though everything they did was entirely without consent and what sent me mad, the constant violations which villified me, got their side accross and drove me, shamed, slandered and shouted at, from my home town of Winchester forever.

This man is a Christian? No, he is a politician, in a government department that has no real purpose any more, they do not represent Christianity, and misleading courts and police and homeless and support services with their side of things, while omitting my side, shows that very clearly.

Bishop Scott-Joynt is untruthful in the Korris report, claiming he was ‘disappointed’ with the meeting, he led the meeting and asked the questions, I simply answered him, so why was he disappointed with me answering questions he asked, all the while absolving the wrongdoers in Jersey, while stating that my abuser was supervised by people who were on his side?
It remains that the abuser holds positions in the Church, while Bishop Scott-Joynt has ruined me and branded me, he did not do the same to my abusers, in fact they have remained upheld and supported in the Church at my expense.

Thus the Church of England, with Micheal Scott-Joynt as an example, are purposeless and harmful to the poor and vulnerable.

It remains forever that I have been ruined and villified and given a record for reacting in distress to a terrible cover-up in Jersey, and the Korris report and what followed, was a cover-up of a cover up at the same time as a failed PR Stunt by the CofE, the ‘hug an abuse victim’ PR stunt that went very wrong.

I was used, after all they had already done to injure me.

And nothing whatsoever has been done about my complaints, after a year of being injured by the Diocese on top of what has already been done.

While I still have a criminal record at the hands of Jane Fisher and Micheal Scott-Joynt, while anyone can rape me and I will be treated as mad and locked up if I report it, because of the record I have been given, while the wrongdoers remain not suffering at all, it doesn’t matter how much boastful and vainglorious ‘good work’ the Scott-Joynts and Jane Fisher do.

When they meet God, they will not be treated kindly, although they wont be beaten and publicly branded when they face God, because Hehas no time for human evil, and what has been done to me is evil, God will be sending Scott-Joynt and Fisher to the lake of Fire, because it remains that they know their deceit to cover their backs and discredit me, they know the effects of making me out to be a mad bad stalker while I begged them to stop stalking me and violating my rights and privacy and dignity, they know I kept contacting them because of the injustices, and they had me damned as mad and bad.

Only a politician retires from service to God, a Christian does not, and if Micheal Scott-Joynt had ever been a Christian rather than a show-off politician, he would have dealt with my case before he retired or, he would have dealt with it when I contacted him after he retired.
He would not have misled courts and police about ‘only helping me’, because violating me and covering up was not help, it was violating me and covering up.

And to this day, neither he nor Jane Fisher are judged and condemned on this earth as I am, and because they have ensured I am lost and branded, and in all the cover-up of the past year, they have not been made responsible, they will face God, and they cannot possibly be allowed into heaven still carrying my blood on their hands, because they have left me worse than dead, trapped in the ‘in-between’ between life and death, with no quality of life, no hope, branded on record forever and thus unable to ever have quality of life again.

Just a Korris report footnote, the Korris report claims they used someone from Relate at the meeting, Lou Scott-Joynt was a Relate worker and this relate worker was also a friend of my friend Anne, who died estranged from me due to the diocese’s violations of the friendship and their use of JM! to forward emails of the Diocese’s side of things when I returned homeless to the UK.
Can you imagine, they used JM who had liased with the Dean and churchwarden to cover their and her and her husband’s wrongs, to send an email with the Diocese’s side of things, round to my old friends in the churches, damning me and the biggest injustice possible.
 Anne died estranged from me, with me shamed and villified. I was on the streets, shamed, villified and cut off from my old friends, while everyone only knew bad things about me.
Scott-Joynt is a Christian? No.

Scott-Joynt and Fisher had me brutalized and detained weeks after Anne’s funeral, where Jane Fisher had tried to make me go and sit with Anne’s ashes in a cold dark church at night so that my abuser could go to Anne’s funeral in peace, and he was no friend of hers, he went to weddings, funerals and Chrsitenings to be seen and for the social. And Fisher used my reaction to this against me to the police, giving her side of Anne and my friendship which she and the Scott-Joynts had violated.
These are the things that no therapy can heal.

Anyway, back to using a relate counsellor who was friends with Anne at that meeting, that was blatantly a conflict of interests, this relate worker who was Lou Scott-Joynt’s colleague and my friend’s friend, and Bishop Scott-Joynt is claimed to have written to me to arrange the meeting, when in reality, and I have the evidence, which I will post, I asked for that meeting when the Dean called me wicked and said I wasn’t abused!
 And the reality is that Bishop Scott-Joynt led the meeting and I asnwered his questions, so he has no right to be ‘dissapointed’ that I talked about the way I was being treated in the Jersey Deanery, when the meeting was called as an emergency by ME when I was called wicked by the Dean, who used JM and the Lihous as examples.
Christianity? Not what the church is about, deceit, lying, collaboration and wrongdoing, yes, that is what the Church is about.

How would Bishop Scott-Joynt or Jane Fisher like to be publicly flayed for all their wrongs and perceived wrongs, with their side omitted, when they are vulnerable and traumatized?
I don’t think they would like it, but they are strong, settled, well-off, not abused, and are able to cover, their perceived wrongs very well indeed, judging by Jane Fisher being able to jeer last year by referring me to the NSPCC in a continued violation of my rights after everything, including my complaint against her and my complaints to the police.

Because basically I am still dismissed as mad and bad, and until that changes and I am protected from the Diocese and their record against me, this remains a massive injustice and the only comfort I get is that Micheal Scott-Joynt with all his riches, rudeness and lack of Christianity, going to hell, as is Jane Fisher. And no amount of their airy-fairy defensive theology will change that.

A human being is trapped between life and death and in a non-life, and they are responsible and have not been held responsible on this earth as I have for all my sins and those of abusers and wrongdoers in the Church of England.

So, Bishop Scott-Joynt, the man who represents why the Church of England needs to go, so that the poor can find God too and so that hundreds of thousands of vulnerable people and children will not be abused by this government department and further damaged by the government department for being themseleves, while the wrongdoers are defended because of their money and status and the danger of ‘scandal’.

In the end, all Scott-Joynt and Fisher acheived was permenantly destroying me, which thye have made no effort to change, undo the damage with honesty and forgiveness, and I remain destroyed and thus, no matter what ‘Good Work’ they do, show off about, they will be going to hell, and they can and will rubbish that, but it remains the case.

Here again is my psychological report.

http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/13082013.html

Written for the man at Autism Jersey on 03/09/2008 -showing JM’s involvement

 This is an extract of an email written top the man at Autism Jersey, I was under too much stress at the time and was waiting for the police to contact me to take my statements, they were bogged down with historic abuse investigations into Haute de la Garrenne at the time, and I was due to spand a weekend with JM, at her invitation as always.

She didn’t like me being away in Jersey and was always talking about getting me to come home, although her support of me when I was in Hampshire was very hit and miss and her husband’s behavior was always there in the background.

One of my thoughts about everything I have been through is, what happens to the vulnerable who cannot write, as I do? what happens to them?
As with all posts, I have omitted names where necessary, I think Philip is known as Philip and was not a wrongdoer here, he can object directly and I will remove his name, but as he was a genuine and non-abusive man, I have left his name on here.

Writing for Philip:

JM emailed me in reply to an email, she talked about me maybe ‘making a strategic withdrawal from Jersey’, I know that she has been a bit biased about me being in Jersey before, maybe she wants me home and under her watchful eye, but I am worried that she has spoken to the Churchwarden couple or that the Dean has suggested that I am dragged back to Hampshire and not allowed home again, I have not gone ahead with arranging to go back to her this weekend yet, as I am too worried about being trapped, and what damage is done to my friendship with JM by the Dean and the Churchwarden couple, whatever happens, I need to be working wherever I am, but I want to be in Jersey, I don’t want it taken away from me, I have been offered the cleaning job from the church people, it is one morning a week.

I am worried that JM has said the wrong things to the dean, she wanted to make it look like Churchwarden was naive, because she thought questions might be asked about why I stayed on with the family despite what was happening, but I stayed on because Churchwarden called me daughter, and I wanted to be daughter.

JM is away all day today so I am worried sick and haven’t booked the ticket to go to JM for the weekend. I don’t think I can go back to Hampshire for a break yet, but I must find work.

The pressure in my head is tremendous

I think the Churchwarden couple may have contacted JM again, and hence they go on damaging me.

I think that if JM, who sometimes doesn’t understand things, has told the Dean that I am ‘seductive’ because I was abused or anything, My ex-therapist in England, LD, may be able to explain my Character and behaviour much better than JM, please pass that offer on to the Dean, I feel that the Dean is against me, so anything that JM mistranslates will be used against me.

Do enquire to the police.

Jersey revisited -Korris omissions and inaccuracies, continued

I guess now that I have busted the miffs about what happened before I came to Jersey.
I had better start on Jersey stuff.
This is tricky, because trauma still wipes out my memory of Jersey, and there are so many documents and emails that it is difficult to know where to start.
I guess I had better start with a statement I just found while looking through files.
It appears to be a reaction to the Korris report, answering some of the inaccuracies:

EY and the church:
Sometimes people came into the room when Ey was hugging me alone but nothing was done, he was not discouraged.
One time I was a bit embarrassed because EY was hugging me deeply alone in the store room downstairs from the church hall and a lady came in, she looked at us funny but said nothing.
Nothing was said to me by anyone in church but EY told me that people ‘were talking’ about him and me, which prompted me to go and see the Vicar, and EY later told me that he had spoken to the Vicar and told him there was nothing to worry about.
The church were aware of things like EY taking me sailing and EY taking me from church to an empty Romerils warehouse after church. (EY worked for Romerils). He told me he had been warned at work for his tactility. EY was making something at the warehouse. He spoke to me in an inappropriate way while we were sailing, inappropriate as in sexually. And at the warehouse he got me to talk about being sexually abused in the past.
No-one in church ever intervened in Ey hugging me, and he would reach out for me and take my hand while in conversation with me.
**** **** told me that it came up in investigation into Ey’s behaviour with me that EY had been wrongly involved with another female, who was in England.

‘Moving from church to church:
With finding a church, the reason I moved church was to get away from Jane Fisher and the Dean and/or other people because they caused me to be unwelcome, Jane Fisher probably tries to make out that the grapevine was not working against me, but it was, and **** ***** recounted to me how I was branded and I was humiliated.  every time my church was influenced, I could not be part of the congregation and in the end it was blatantly Jane Fisher and the Bishop who drove me from St. Clements and Tracy and interfered at St. ********, and by the time I was at there, I had already lost my life in that three weeks when I fled to England to escape Jane Fisher and Tracy’s attempt to have me sectioned -which is omitted from the Korris report. I was already ruined by the time I arrived at St. ******** church.

Jane Fisher:
I say again, I was not clear on what Jane Fisher wanted, or was doing, she was rude and unhelpful, vague and making things out to be different to how they were. I did not understand her or what she was doing, I was not made clear that my complaint had been taken seriously at ANY POINT, and if I had been then I might have been less angry and not tried to make the Dean see that he had done wrong. The whole situation might have been better if the Bishop had withdrawn Jane Fisher from contact with me as I asked repeatedly for years and got someone helpful and clear to help me. I did not understand Jane Fisher, and I said so, she is barely literate and uses a spellchecker that turns her words American and she doesn’t even make sense in what she says and writes and she can be very nasty and apparently get away with it.

As far as I know, I did not involve anyone who was ‘innocent’ in my emails, I sent emails cc people who had rejected me or been involved, withdrawn pastoral care and help with no notice and no reason and people who were obviously involved in the matter or had treated me unfairly due to what they had heard. I felt condemned by these people and I wanted my side heard. I also sent the complaints to other people on the Diocese list because I was not being heard, getting no response from the Bishop and I would not deal with Jane Fisher and her coldness and denials. I blocked her in the spring of 2009 and only unblocked her in 2010 because Tracy wanted me to communicate with her.

In the end the fact that I could not get away from Jane Fisher and the Dean was causing me severe distress, I wanted to worship where I would not be slandered and where people would not warn against me behind my back. The Dean was blatantly allowed to know where I worshipped and Jane Fisher said so in an email of hers that I have.

Abuse of good nature?
The Korris report seems to be based on what Jane Fisher has on record, and omits my side of what happened with George and Jill Lihou and the M’s, Jane Fisher never asked for my side and was not interested. I did briefly try to describe it all, immediately after Bob Key called me wicked and used the Lihous and the M’s as an example, again without my side of things having been known to him but briefly and to the Bishop and Jane Fisher who did not care about my side and do not seem to have recorded it for the Korris report.

The fact is and was that the Lihous and M’s had their own problems and own histories of problems, their involvement with me was not healthy, but I feel very much scapegoated by the use of them against me and Jane Fisher appears not to have taken my side of things on board. They are not villified as I have been either, again reinforcing the continued brand by the Diocese of Winchester that I am worse than an abuser.

Comments about me abusing hospitality or good nature or something? Again, this is the Lihous and M’s or the hypochondriac couple, and I should not have been judged on this while my side was not heard or reported on. The M’s have not been shamed and slandered in the press recentlyfor what they did to F’s daughter and then to me, so why am I being shamed? The Lihous are not being shamed for Jill’s mental illness that meant she wanted her daughter to die or be injured for years and for claiming she was my carer and having me put on a medicine that caused me to be admitted to hospital, so why am I shamed for reacting to them? Jan Korris considers the whole matter to be me ‘abusing people’s good nature’ and has not interviewed me and included my views. She has acted on Jane Fisher’s behalf instead.

Jane Fisher:
What makes me very angry is that Jane Fisher has been excused her slander of me and interference in my life when I returned to the mainland by making out it was about ‘making the clergy in Winchester aware of me so that safe boundaries were set’ and something about ensuring that nothing more than spiritual support was offered’.
Rubbish, what a terrible cover-up for a terrible terrible inflicting of damage by Fisher and Wolvlsey on top of what I had suffered in Jersey!

Basically what happened was that Jane Fisher did not give me a second chance and a chance to rebuild my life, she had given me a bad name in Winchester, behind my back, I was not told that everyone had been ‘warned’ about me. But I was shouted at by a vicar and I overheard myself being talked about in a terrible way by people in one church, they were not aware that I had been abused, not aware of my side of things and not even aware that I was autistic, they made me out to be trouble, to be someone who just swore and shouted. The woman in question was not a priest, she was an assistant in a church that I tried to belong to, and one of the priests, who had previously been friendly when I lived in Winchester, refused to speak to me or even look at me. Nor was this slander that covered the Bishop and Diocese’s backs limited to the Anglican church in Winchester, it went through every church, just as it did in Jersey.

I was condemned, I had not escaped from Jane Fisher. And I pleaded with the diocese to bring justice and to stop interfering.
Jane Fisher also completely violated me with contact with the homeless services, instead of me being able to be me and be someone who was suffering because of what had happened. I was someone who had been bad, and I was refused access to a women’s refuge in a very humiliating way as a result, and that was just one of many humiliations. That Jan Korris excuses and omits, so that it looks like it was all innocent and with good intentions.
The Korris report is not just defamatory but shields a very very dangerous safeguarding official who has the power unsupervised, so drive a vulnerable person to their death rather than see wrongdoers openly seen for what they are.

Diocese intervention:
The homeless shelter manager was unhelpful when I told her I was frightened because of the noise and intimidation in the shelter, she had heard about me, so I wasn’t allowed to be me and be frightened and hurt. I was bad.

The support worker linked to the nightshelter who initially was helping me confirmed to me that the Diocese had contacted the nightshelter, I was furious and violated, but she tried to make it ok by telling me that they wanted to know what church I was at so they could ‘help’ me, so far the diocese’s ‘help’ had damaged me beyond repair and left me driven out of churches.  The support worker appears to have been warned off helping me once she had told me and I made the homeless services aware that I knew, and she would hurry in the opposite direction when she saw me, despite me having not said or done anything bad or abusive to her.

I was left ashamed and violated and unable to be part of the community in Winchester as I had been in previous years. I even used another name to try and be safe but it didn’t work in Winchester because people knew me and I knew them. Winchester was my home town from age 17.
I was left with only the addicts and alcoholics for company as they had no care for what the church had to say, but I wondered why the church didn’t slander and shame them, why I was slandered and shamed and left unable to hold my head up, while the Diocese claimed this was helping me when I had been so hurt by the church.
I was driven from the daycentre, having left the nightshelter early on, The daycentre tried to threaten and force me back into the nightshelter, as they were in close contact, and I went mad with distress and they failed to force me back but I never trusted them again. and the Diocese continued to involve themselves against me through these authorities, so I had the ‘criminal record’ thrown back in my face all the time and was not allowed to be me or be good.
Trying to escape the Diocese.
I tried to get away from the diocese by going further afield in Hampshire and failed, and as I was being forced out of Winchester by the intervention of the Diocese which meant I felt unable to access any services or any churches, and the diocese had made contact with all my dear old friends and violated me and left me shamed in front of my friends, I started moving round the country to get away and fled Winchester altogether.
Jane Fisher did not at any time have my permission to be involved in my case with the homeless services and the data protection act has been breached many times in this matter.

The Diocese may claim to have been trying to help by giving their side of things to churches and homeless services but in fact what they did was drive me from housing services and support services that I was trying to co–operate with, prevent me from being part of a church and shamed me to the churches and basically were as unchristian as possible in giving their opinion, which left me shamed and isolated and eventually as a long-term rough sleeper, unable to feel safe in a church or engage with anyone who tried to help me.

Being trapped:
As a result of a set-up situation in Winchester, where a woman who was friends with the Bishop and his wife and Jane Fisher did not tell me she was friends with them but invited me to live at herhouse and was in contact about me, I have since felt unable to trust anyone who reaches out to me.
The woman took me home, seemingly innocently and unknowing of who I was, invited me to stay, left me alone with £70 for the washing machine repair man the day after she invited me to stay (I guessed she knew from somewhere that I was honest with money) – which aroused my suspicion, as did the phonecalls that she cut off when I came into the room.
But never told me she was connected to Jane Fisher and the Bishop until something that Lou scott-Joynt said to me made me realise and I confronted this woman on Christmas eve. Not aggressively.
The woman went on about how she would always be friends with the Bishop and I wouldn’t change that, I said that I wanted the Bishop and Jane Fisher to stop interfering and making me out to be mentally ill and because I was very upset, this woman replied that I was making it look like they were right.
She said that Jane Fisher had said I would react like this.

I was furious, because from the start, Jane Fisher had gone behind my back, never had I actually been included in the picture of me that was painted to people, and if I had actually been included in any of the arrangements about me, instead of me being effectively slandered to the churches and people, then things may well have been more successful. But it wasn’t about me, it was about protecting the diocese.
I think anyone would be angry to find out that they had been arranged behind their back by the people who destroyed them, set up, and I was being told by this woman that I was acting as if I was mentally ill when I reacted.

I decided to leave the house, and this woman tried forcibly to stop me by trapping me in the bedroom that she had allocated to me, (she had told me that I would move to an attic room after Christmas). she told me that I was the one who was causing the problem – this is despite the fact that I had been misled by her because I had not been made aware that she was acting for Jane Fisher and the Bishop and influenced by them (which would probably be denied).
And I was physically having to fight to get away from her.
I had a lot of luggage. Which included presents from friends and goodies I had got to share with the rough sleepers on Christmas day and presents I had got for this woman. I had to leave a lot of that behind. And it was later apparently taken to the homeless daycentre which I no longer attended, taken by Jane Fisher, and an attempt was made by her and the staff there to contact me through a homeless friend, and I abandoned that friendship in distress and disgust at the violation.

Anyway, I escaped from this woman, who was trying to stop me, and I ran up the road with no shoes on, and the ground was covered in ice and snow, I was screaming with distress. I phoned Jane Fisher and the Bishop and begged and begged to be left alone. Jane Fisher later used these phonecalls against me in court in Sussex in 2011, claiming I repeatedly phoned her on Christmas eve and Christmas day, but she apparently ommitted the reason that I did this as it was not read out in court.
I was desparate to get away from the Diocese and to stop them interfering.
It is omitted from the Korris report how Fisher and Scott-Joynt liased and attempted to have me put away in Sussex as a result of me continuing to fight them to undo the injustice and bad name they gave me and deal with my complaint.

Returning from Jersey to Winchester to a continued nightmare.
I came back to Winchester in October 2010 unaware that I was already given a bad name in Winchester and unaware that I would not be able to join a church and be a proper part of the congregation and receive pastoral care for the wounds I had from Jersey, unaware that I would not be able to make friends and naturally build relationships, unaware that I was to lose my long-term friends and in a repeat of what happened in Jersey, be shamed in the community so that I couldn’t hold my head up.
While my abusers were never subjected to such appalling and demoralizing treatment! And because they are not vulnerable, lone or disabled, the diocese couldn’t treat them like that even if they wanted to, but the diocese focussed on ruining and maligning me, not my abusers.

And the effect of what happened meant I fled Winchester but was left unable to trust churches and church people and rebuffing help and getting distressed and suspicious when people managed to help me, leaving me fulfilling the Diocese’s opinion of me.
But not completely.

People who slipped under the Diocesan radar and befriended me:
Among all the nightmare situation in Winchester, a couple approached and befriended me, and it is thanks to them I didn’t commit suicide, they saved my life with their words and friendship and despite attempts at intervention by the Diocese and people connected to the Diocese, which included Lou Scott-Joynt trying to get me to give her this couple’s surname and attempts by people in the homeless services to speak to this couple,but this couple were real Christians and I was able to keep this friendship, although I had to ask this couple to keep our continued friendship a secret, and in the years between 2011 and 2013 I was in contact with them in strict secrecy and they agreed not to discuss me or let anyone know that they were in contact with me. This is what kept that friendship, it was kept away from intervention and influence by the Diocese. And, as my former healthy friendships were, it has remained healthy because this couple are not using me to meet their own unmet needs, they have boundaries and need space and so do I, my problems occur when people get over-involved and have problems of their own – described in the Korris report as me abusing people’s good nature or hospitality or something.

My friends who slipped under the radar in what the Diocese did that would have otherwise left me unable to develop relationships in any church in Winchester and not aware of why, the Diocese did all this behind my back and yet claimed to be helping me. I was an object to the Diocese, no feelings, no needs, just to be who and what they said I was in order to protect themselves, and the Bishop said to me during the time I was in Winchester that I was to blame for what happened , and I cannot think of anything further from safeguarding than that, them protecting themselves and blaming me. In fact I would have been extremely open to any predator in the Winchester Deanery as a result of being talked about, because it made me defenceless, I had a bad name and a bad record and would have had no-one to turn to if I had been abused.
( I have felt very vulnerable on the streets because I know if I am abused I cannot report it because of the way I have been treated by the Diocese and the police) basically anyone can rape me but I cannot report it.

This was highlighted by the police’s attitude when I intercepted a call from Lou Scott-Joynt to one of my friends about me immediately after my arrival back in Winchester. I went to the police and begged the Diocese to be made to leave me alone, but to no avail and I was basically treated as if I was mad, and nothing was done as far as I know. Basically, even in this day and age, disabled and vulnerable people remain poweless against abuse in the church, we are ‘mad’ for repeatedly standing up and speaking, and those of us who cannot or dare not speak are basically there to be used in any way the powerful in the church want to use us.
Disabled and vulnerable people are also constantly treated very badly by the police, and since the Korris report came out, I have heard of hundreds of cases of police brutality and injustice, and the police are never called to account.

Taking my friends off me:
My friends who befriended me during this time back in Winchester (in February 2011), and who the Diocese did not manage to take off me, despite Lou Scott-Joynt asking me for their surname and despite certain people speaking to them about me, are prepared to make a statement about how they see me. They are aware of my temper when I am frightened and frustrated and can also confirm how I have asked them to keep our friendship secret in order to protect me and them from further intervention but they can give an account of the real me, who is not described very well in the Korris report, which seems to be based on Jane Fisher’s records, and Jane Fisher was never a friend of mine. Fisher has gone out of her way to destroy, demoralise and defame me, all while pretending to care.
(A statement was made by my friend on my behalf last year).

The safeguarding that left me unable to get help:
What the Diocese did with their intervention in Winchester on my return from Jersey was get their side accross and leave me isolated and a permenant rough sleeper who was unable to trust anyone, especially the churches, where I should have felt safe, forgiven and included. They did not allow me another chance in my life after destroying me and I have struggled to trust and allow people to help me since then.
Right now I am expecting arrest at Jane Fisher’s hands again, and am unable to access medical help or homeless outreach for fear of being traced. Even though all of this comes from the Korris report which covers Jane Fisher’s back and which meant I have been traced and left yet again at the mercy of diocese and police, which is why I am writing this, because I am being driven mad by this crazy report and fear of church and police, I wasn’t provoking them when they traced me, I was beaten, not fighting back any more.

The diocese may make my perception out to be distorted, but I know what I experienced and was on the receiving end of and they have a bias in order to make out that they were only doing the right thing.

Report and friends:
The report fails to mention my happy and succesful relationships that were long term and were only detroyed as a result of all that happened in the end in Jersey and the Diocese’s intervention when I returned to the UK mainland. It just mentions me ‘abusing people’s good nature’ and gives no details and none of my side of things. No allowance is made for the psychological side of why I didn’t bond well with the people I am deemed to have abused, and no understanding is given of the politics of the church in a wealthy diocese and the attitude of the consistently well off people I encountered who did not understand me in poverty and disability.
Basically I feel damned as bad, left in danger, and that report seems to cover up for other people who hurt me, especially Jane Fisher.

Escape from the Diocese:

since escpaing from the Diocese of Winchester in 2011. I have been living in fear of their continued intervention which hurt me so much and changed my name to try and escape them, but I remained traumatized and unable to trust anyone or deal with conflict, so I continued to struggle and be vulnerable. I was a mess, I was a mess who was trying to stay away from homeless services and interventions that would cause me to be traced by the Diocese or the homeless services in Winchester or the police.
Being traced by the police recently was a huge shock and made me feel that I had spent two years in hiding in vain and was now going to be back under the Diocese’s intervention and police attacks for reacting. I was horrified that the cycle of police and diocese intervention was going to start occuring again and rip my life apart, and as far as I know, it still might. The Diocse have refused to reassure me that they will not intervene in my life again and tried to make out I have requested for them to stop contacting me, not that I have requested for them to stop intervening.

Peadophile cover up in L:
The report mentions me being unforgiving about an ‘organist’ in my former parish being convicted of peadophilia. The whole account is innaccurate. The man convicted was a youth leader – of the youth group that I both belonged to and assisted with, he led the services that myself and other youth helped to run, he worked closely with us, and he was also on the mission support committee that I was part of. He had made me feel small about some of my ideas on the mission support team in the past, but he had also said things about his relationship with a vulnerable child before that caused me concern, but no-one else in church seemed worried about him. The incident where he worried me was when he talked about one of his frequent trips to Romania to the church and talked about how he was bathing a young girl, alone. No one else seemed to pick up on this but there were obvious concerns that he had committed misconduct there when it all came to light in the end.

The problem was, in the end, not my unforgiveness but my shock. And not just towards him. I was shocked because I didn’t know at the time how the church of England hushes things up, and they tried to hush this up, and as well as seeming to be unaware that this man had previously been warned about inappropriate touching of children, and had continued letting him be involved, they were ‘keeping it quiet’ that he had been arrested.
But because I was friends with and in contact with a number of churchwardens and readers and people who held positions in the church, I heard and overheard and was told what had happened.

I was shocked and went to JM, who was my friend as well as being the Vicar in the Benefice even though she had hurt me and was hurting me. I went to her in shock because I had worked and worshipped alongside this man in the Benefice for so long. JM once again let me down with her attitude, she claimed I was unforgiving – this was immediately after I had heard the news and who does forgive a betrayal like this instantly?! JM told me that we were all judged by God and that I would be judged by God the same as this man because of my Asperger Syndrome, basically I interpreted that as that I was as bad as a peadophile who collects child pornography as this man did because I was disabled, I challenged JM on this but was left with no clarification nor did she withdraw this statement.

I was shocked, horrified and never actually able to get anyone to help me with this, it was a trauma. JM went on to say that the man’s abused adopted son had forgiven him so who was I to hold a grudge?. She refused to acknowledge that actually I was horrified and traumatized that someone I had known and worked with in church and eaten meals with and helped at events with had done something to hurt children he had been trusted with, that he had not only done this to children in the school where he worked as a special needs teacher with children with learning difficulties, but according to my friend, he was possibly wanted on similar charges relating to the orphanage in Romania. But JM wanted me to be quiet about it, just as she had said to me about FM’s (her husband’s) misconduct to me and to FM’s own daughter, she said it was my word (and the daughter’s word) against FM, and she wanted both matters silenced and out of mind. The way the church hushed this up horrified me almost as much as the actual things that had happened.
JM always took the attitude that abuse victims are whingers and abusers are just victims themselves, which she did in this case.

This was an incident among many that caused tensions and problems between me and JM but I gather that this is where I am described as ‘abusing her good nature’ in the Korris report.
I did not object to the peadophile being re-integrated back into the church community, I expressed shock that I would not know how to relate to him but when I heard he was coming on the benefice walk I decided I would relate to him as normal as part of the group. However, this must have been where the diocese intervened and he did not come on the walk, nor was openly heard of again in the benefice, just my friends sometimes said they were going to see him and told me about some woodwork he was doing. His wife remained in the church community and close to some of my circle of friends who were also her friends, I related to her as normally as I could or did and felt very sad for her and as shy of her as I was previously and never mentioned her husband or what he had done.

Another thing that horrified me, and I wonder if you can see why, is that people in the benefice, friends of mine, though I broke off that relationship, wrote in support of this man saying he was a ‘good man really’, if someone abuses disabled and orphaned children while making out to be helping them, then they are not a ‘good man really’, abuse affects someone for the rest of their life, and it was the most vulnerable people who were abused, so that man is not a good man really. That is not to say that with time to get over the shock I did not forgive this man. But the account given totally misrepresents the situation and also leaves out the huge background situation of me and JM, which I gather is referred to as me abusing her good nature. The repeat of me going through some of what JM’s stepdaughter went through is omitted completely. The stepdaughter was kept a secret from the community.

The Korris report wrongly portrays me being unforgiving of an organist who was convicted of peadophilia, what I have written above is a more accurate portrayal of that whole situation.
What has scarred me and damaged my faith in the church, which as a body that supposedly follows Christ, should have integrity and transparancy, and yet covered this matter up and condemned me for my shock and for knowing about this matter when I should not have done, as none of the main body of the congregation who did not hold positions in church were supposed to know and those who did hold positions were supposed to keep it quiet.

Very few people I have known in that extremely wealthy benefice and indeed in the very wealthy diocese of Winchester have experienced abuse, they are not vulnerable people, and I was usually in a minority in the churches, disabled, poor, no family, an easy target and no one was able to empathise with me because they did not know what it was like to be vulnerable in those ways. But Korris claims that it was me abusing their good nature.  But she does that with no input from me about what I suffered at the hands of the church of england in my 10 dreadful years as a member.
Nor does she speak of the good side of my church relationships or the work I did for the church, it is a biased and unbalanced report.

written 03/07/2013 on the old blog: ‘The Shock of My life, The Diocese pretending that they cared’

It was in March 2013 that things went wrong. I didn’t consciously know that anything had happened at first, but subconsciously maybe I did, but at the time I attributed the increasingly strong nightmares about Jane Fisher, Bob Key, Jersey and the police to the fact I was trying to learn to live indoors. My sleep went down to a few hours a night and I was in such emotional distress during the days that it was difficult to function normally.

Even though for some odd reason, I was getting emails from people in Jersey and people from the past I didn’t think, even when an email said ‘have you heard the news’, these people were from my distressing past and as far as I was concerned they had no news for me. So I left their emails unopened as I was under enough stress from trying to teach myself to be a house dweller again, and I felt deeply vulnerable as a registered house dweller even under my new identity I was in fear of Jane Fisher and the police – this fear very logically being caused by Jane Fisher and the Bishop repeatedly coming after me with the police when I responded to their negative interventions in my life.

Within a few weeks I had realised that I could not live indoors. I could only afford cheap lodgings which I paid for from my welfare benefits as I knew that the struggle to explain myself to Housing Benefit would be too much and I was always in danger of abandoning the tenancy or being traced by the diocese anyway, especially as I could not get the right support to help me to learn to be a house dweller. I also could not really afford to pay my own rent, low as it was.
My main barrier to housedwelling is the flashbacks, distress, terrors, bad memories and despair because of Jane Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt and the Dean of Jersey and their police interventions against me in response to my protests at their refusal to deal with my complaint and their bad handling (to put it mildly) of my complaint.

The cheap lodgings was in a lodging house and I was the only female there, still suffering PTSD and quite frightened by some of the behaviour of the men in the house and feeling a bit intimidated. So I was longing to return to the streets, especially as the memories and distresses of Jersey were coming back to me too strongly, and at the time I thought it was simply from being indoors, and maybe it was.

Before I left the house I managed to get very ill, the hygiene in the house was bad and a drug addict who had been very ill for months had just moved out and the guy who took the vacant room became just as sick and was taken to hospital, and then I got sick too.
I moved out while I was ill and back homeless I went through one of the worst bouts of illness that I ever remember. Whooping cough and pneumonia.

I was afraid to see a doctor because I have been treated really badly in the years since Jersey because Jane Fisher and the former Bishop really wanted me to be insane and locked up and I was also not willing to see a doctor in case I was traced. Even though all attempts to certify me insane failed because sadly I am not. PTSD and autism are not madness and cannot be treated as such.

In the end I went to a hospital and they said I was ok, recovering, I had been so very ill and it was a relief to know they thought I was ok. They would have admitted me if I had gone when I was really ill, and I could not allow that, I could not be captive somewhere and have the police turn up, I remain living in fear in that way.

I still didn’t know what had happened with the diocese but I had returned to sleeping rough and it felt amazing! Yeah! Lying there looking at the stars as I fell asleep I was at peace.
The time between evening and morning is when I am happiest, the diocese of Winchester destroyed me but they gave me the gift of a sky full of stars and so few people get to enjoy such a gift any more, so I really appreciate it.
I love the evenings when I walk quietly alone with my headphones in and my music on, I love to lie down in my blankets and gaze at the sky and I love to get up in the quiet early morning and walk the quiet roads and stop and gaze, this is heaven to me and I am now in fear that that diocese intend to rip this from me.

Anyway, then I got an email from the policeman who had traced me and I was deeply shocked. I only read the first lines and couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Firstly my new identity was shattered and I was once again open and vulnerable to police and diocese cruelty and attacks and slander.

All I read of the police email was that they had traced me and this policeman called me ‘Ms’ and my new name in capitals as if he was jeering. And then that ‘the diocese wished to support me through local church groups’ and something about the historic abuse case in Jersey. What historic abuse case? I was furious, why, after the way Jane Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt repeatedly drove me from help by slandering me and ommitting either that I was disabled or that I had been abused, were they talking about local church groups???

Firstly there are no local church groups that help abuse victims, none, churches shun abuse victims and safeguard against them, secondly I am not in that area or diocese, thirdly I have no intention of belonging anywhere where Jane Fisher and the diocese of Winchester can humiliate me or involve themselves with their side of things as Jane Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt did before. Basically after what has happened, this being traced and violated and humiliated for the sake of fictional help was ludicrous! If the diocese had anything to say to me which was in MY interests and not just them covering their backs, they would have emailed me themselves as they have my email addresses and were more than capable of doing this without deliberately degrading me with further police action that I had not merited.

I was in shock when I got this email and it was Maundy Thursday and there was nowhere to go for help.
I walked up to one of the churches and there was a church man there, he recognized me and happily started telling me about bedding plants for the church garden and then realized I was crying and shaking. He phoned his wife and got the number of a church person who I talk to and she came to the church and held my hand. I did not understand why the diocese had set the police on me and shattered my privacy and left me open to the horrific continuation of the cycle of being violated by Jane Fisher and Scott-Joynt and then being attacked by the police for answering and asking for justice and restoration, all I knew was that the police had come after me for the diocese.
So the church lady held my hand and comforted me and she said no-one in her church had betrayed me to the diocese and the police as far as she knew, because I have the horror that someone has indeed betrayed me and left me damaged by this, because the police got my details somewhere and somewhere I will be shamed and embarrassed when I go to see old friends. And also I was repeatedly betrayed by churches because of behind-my-back-intervention by the Diocese of Winchester before I escaped from them two years ago.

Anyway, then the minister arrived and was told I had had a shock and he came and sat with me and talked gently. Then I helped him to prepare for the Holy Communion Service, and that took my mind off things.
I still had no knowledge of the full situation, and in truth I still don’t.

Easter was hell because of being traced by the police, there was nowhere to go and no-one to turn to, which is the usual in the Christmas and Easter holidays but worse because of the police. The Easter Sunday service was lovely but because of the fact I was no longer hidden and safe from Jane Fisher and the police after two years, I felt unsafe in church and I remembered Vicar Tim at Romsey Abbey coming and shouting at me and saying he had been speaking to Jane Fisher about me, and all the cold accusatory one-sided things he repeated from Jane Fisher before I ran off crying in the night and went to a police station but was too scared of being beaten and locked up to tell them to make Jane Fisher go away. I did not want the old priest at this church to do the same accusatory shouting and telling me how bad I was.
Because, after a very very long time of deep fear and wariness, I have learned to love again, and I love my church/es, because they have showed me that church and Christianity is not the way the Diocese of Winchester portray it, and I have just started to believe them.

When the holidays thankfully finished, I was in the library and still being badgered by emails about Jersey and the Diocese so when I was signing into my emails I looked at the news stories and found the story.
Something about Jersey and the Archbishop and Bishop apologizing and the Dean being suspended.
Again I stumbled outside crying.
I am as raw as if I have no skin and I cannot cope with much stress at all.

I went back up to the church and thankfully my friend from last time was actually there, she came to sit with me and held my hand again as I blurted out something about the news saying the Bishop apologized, my friend said I should be turning cartwheels and wasn’t I happy?
No, I was traumatized by all of it, all of it in the papers and all of the past being dragged up and the police, I didn’t know anything about this report that I was being badgered about by email. I felt vulnerable and frightened because I was traced by the police, I felt shocked and depressed, because despite the flashbacks and the unhealed wounds, I had tried to leave this in the past as Jane Fisher was always coldly telling me to leave what had happened to me in the past because my pain was of no relevance and I was not valid.

So no, no cartwheels, just shock, there is nothing that will make me hopeful or joyful any more, the pain has been too deep for too long, I like my walks in the dark and in the early morning and I like lying on the ground and watching the stars as I fall asleep but I do not feel joy at the church of england suddenly, too late, forcing upon me something that is to do with their politics rather than my welfare and doing it very publicly and having me intimidated and distressed by the police for their own ends at the same time.

So, I was in crisis and still trying to shake off the illness that tends to come back just when I think it has gone.  I had to ask those offering me pastoral care to stop as it was upsetting me too much, these were church people, and until I had an assurance from the diocese of Winchester that they are going to leave me alone, I did not feel safe or able to let anyone help me (in reality I am still living in fear0, and while I am in fear of a police attack I feel almost unable to even see the psychologist, after all, if you are going to be beaten and locked in then there is no point in paying for psychology because it cannot undo that.

I continued to try and maintain the rest of my routine while no longer attending church or having help. It is hard to keep a routine when you are depressed and homeless but thankfully what I was taught by MIND about keeping myself going during crisis is helping a lot.
(MIND is a source of help I refer myself to when I need them, they have helped me since I referred myself when I was a young adult before my Asperger Syndrome was officially recognized).

Anyway, I continued to hear about Jersey, bit by bit, and continued to fight the distress and memories brought back to me.
I was told by email that the Dean will simply be reinstated because all the Bishop has done is cause a constitutional crisis in Jersey, and I myself was surprised that the Bishop even suspended the Dean, because I was told by the Dean himself and some of his clergy in Jersey while I was there that the Bishop could do nothing to him and nothing to them so they could effectively do as they pleased and I would not be listened to.

What horrified me was the complete lack of response from the Archbishop or Wolvsley when I frantically tried to contact them, which cemented the fact that this whole farce was in fact nothing to do with me but to do with something political that I did not know about, this didn’t surprise me as the church of England are unmotivated and unmoved by abuse victims and their ‘safeguarding’ policy simply ensures that disabled people and vulnerable people are excluded, isolated, shunned and unable to make friends, because no-one is allowed to be alone with them or take them home or take them out, the church of England treats us as profane, as lesser beings, by keeping this policy behind the backs of vulnerable people.

And so why would they be apologizing to me, especially as they launched a police attack at the same time! But Wolvsley have nothing to say, neither does the Archbishop.
I have made a complaint about being traced but that complaint is about the policeman, the diocese of Winchester remain untouchable and a constant threat to me and I despair because it seems that I would have to seek asylum abroad to escape them, and I am tired, I do not want to go unless I have to, but the dread silence and the danger of police attacks and the confusion remains.

Jersey is obviously the same, the internet is full of articles and blogs, and in true Jersey style some of the information is very vicious, some in support of the Dean and some not, some blatantly attacking him and some blatantly attacking me.
The thing is, the Diocese of Winchester may be under some illusion that my identity and the identities of other parties is concealed, but believe me, those few Jerseypeople who did not already know about this, do now and most people do know all the names of those involved, especially since a very blatant breach of confidences occurred.

There are some very good Jersey blogs, which are providing real information on what has been happening, countering that awful Korris report and the very very nasty slander against me by clergy and supporters in the Jersey Deanery, these blogs include Bob Hill’s Jersey Blog, Rico Sorda’s blog, Voiceforchildren’s blog, Tony’s musings, Stuart Syvret’s blog and more.

But there are snippets of this awful ‘independent safeguarding report‘ the Korris Report, the one that was done without my input and lets the whole world know how successfully the Dean and the Bishop and Jane Fisher punished me for speaking up and had me thrown in prison and ‘deported’ and left homeless in the UK with Jane Fisher still hanging onto my jugular until she pulled me down to the point of no hope, no healing, nothing left etc. Or does it omit that? I had a breakdown from trying to read the Korris Report, it is so awful and so inaccurate and cover’s Jane Fisher’s wrongdoing so well that it caused me to collapse. I have never finished reading it and it is so very damaging and wrong that I do not know why it was allowed to be published. I have expressed this opinion to Jan Korris but she is not bothered, as long as she gets her comission she isn’t too worried that she has had internationally published a gravely damaging report about an already suffering abuse survivor. Hopefully the collective complaints about it means she wont do it again, but I doubt that she cares.

Anyway, everyone has an opinion and in Jersey they fight about it like little boys, because Jersey is a small place and has that mentality, everyone knows someone and everyone has a bias, it makes it a bad place to live if you report someone for abuse and they have connections. The thing with the diocese is that they are not there and do not know who is who, who has what bias and why, but Jersey is another country and another country that used to be occupied by the Germans and has never lost that mentality. And at the moment they are not too pleased with England invading against one of their politicians, which is what the Dean is first and foremost, he certainly isn’t a Christian.

But anyway, I gather that Wolvsley tried to do a Jane Fisher and tell me that this isn’t affecting me! Are you crazy? You rake up the past and humiliate me publicly, even if only in Jersey and in your online report and you set the police after me and you think I am not affected?! I am not strong enough for much stress and believe me some of the opinions of people known and unknown in Jersey right now do affect me! They make me want to curl up and die.

This is my situation right now. The diocese refuse to confirm to me that as far as I am concerned the matter is closed. So I am in limbo, I am living in fear with my life paused, I am afraid of police attacks, I am distressed by what has happened and how I am publicly flogged, I am terrified that my quiet walks with my music and my sleeps in my cheerful blanket will be taken off me and I will be locked in for incomprehensible reasons and my freedom and life will be gone and ‘help’ will be forced on me.

Life is in limbo, there is a so-called investigation, but the Bishop reinstated the Dean and said he had acted in good faith, now the Bishop hides behind a PR company and refuses to communicate, while half the so-called investigation he has instigated is a conflict of interests, but he refuses to withdraw it or comment.

Autism, police

This story in the Mail (link below) made me feel very sad.
It reminded me so much of the needless and terrifying treatment I suffered at the hands of the police, especially on 14/02/2011 in Winchester, from which I don’t think I will ever really recover.
Police Officers truly think they can do as they please, and they do treat the vulnerable and voiceless like dirt, that is my experience, and they also write what they like about incidents, because we have no voice.
I am so sorry for the young man who was treated like that, I know he must have been terrified and I share his terror of seeing police when I am out and about, because I still expect a repeat of what has happened to me, especially with the record the Diocese got me.
The police are not here to protect me or the community, they are very dangerous and damaging and for me now, there is no safety in this world.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2573941/Severely-autistic-man-33-hurled-bins-pinned-police-officers-helped-binmen-collect-rubbish-LOOKED-SUSPICIOUS.html

Jersey 2010 a snapshot while I can keep the memories

I used to love the early morning, I often woke at 4am, and would drink hot tea and go out, usually in Jersey I would go out for a drive in the early morning, and would go down to whatever bay or up to whatever cliff, and sit in my car and look at the sea.
I loved the sea in the dark, the quiet, the solitude, alone in all the world, it was awesome.

As time with the churchwarden progressed, his wife’s depression impacted on me, and as she used to be up early, clattering crockery around, which was noisy and a sensory overload for me, I began to associate early mornings with that, and the joy of the early morning faded and it instead became associated with depression and futility, a few more hours in a day not worth living.

But in 2010, very sick with depression and insomnia since my dad’s illness and death, I was usually up at 4am, and would drink my tea with no comfort or happiness, and would go out driving through the quiet island, down to St. Ouens and St. Clems, two of my favourite bays.
But the joy of that time of morning and the joy of life had gone, I had realised how worthless I was by then and could feel the condemnation of the Church, which impacted on, and affected, every single area of my life, I mean, when doctors at your surgery are part of the guilty churches and can access your records and change them, in an island where honesty is not so important, and that is just part of it, how can you escape?

That is not paranoia but a very real scenario, which will be discussed in another post, I have to admit, my posts during this early morning are showing the extremes because I feel extreme when I wake from such nightmares as I have, but this is actually a good outlet to get me back on an ‘even keel’ by morning.

Anyway, I can tell you, I was suffering in Jersey in 2010, the diocese (Jane Fisher) in denying what I was going through and implying I was paranoid, had vastly damaged me, and I was suffering, knowing for myself that in that little island, if you made the wrong enemies, life could be hell, this was further confirmed, despite Jane Fisher, by a member of the clergy, of all people, who said to me that ‘In Jersey, you have to keep your friends close and your enemies closer’, and also said that the Home Affairs Minister/former magistrate, was scared of him because he confronted him about ‘All those boys in LaMoye who shouldn’t be there’.
These horrifying statements validated me, and helped me to see that the diocese’s (Jane Fisher’s) denials of what I was going through were indeed just their covering opinion from the mainland, I mean, I knew my suffering was real, but Jane Fisher’s constant denials and insinuations of paranoia almost drove me both to despair and to believing her.
Safeguarding officer?
No, she undoubtedly wants me silenced again for at last being able to share some of this!