Post 2 – Other people’s perspectives

More of Bob Hill’s Blogs:

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/jerseys-dean-truth-whole-truth-or.html

http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/jerseys-dean-unofficial-report-on.html


http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/a-reflection-on-2013.html

http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/jerseys-dean-press-release-no-peace-no.html

Abuse Victim treated badly by church

The man in the picture looks like Philip Bailhache.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/10/church-accused-no-concern-abuse-victim?CMP=twt_gu

lets go back 27

The handyman at work turned increasingly nasty and I am sorry to say that helping Ted and Joan and worrying for them as well as dealing with the lady of the big house and the neighbours all got too much for me, my energy failed and I had a stomach problem, Ted took me to the doctor and he said that the bag of medicine that they gave me was bigger than his bag of medicine! Ted had been put on enzymes and was able to take food with fat and sugar in for the first time in many years. He thought this was quite funny.

My cottage was one of two farm cottages that stood alone away from the other houses and just outside the village, the problem was that it wasn’t peace and quiet there, the people in the other cottage were the local farm mechanic and his wife, and they alone made that place as noisy as a council estate, constant noisy drunken parties, revving motorbike engines at 4am in the morning, screaming children and dogs, the children and dogs weren’t even theirs, they were their families, but the noise was constant, there was no peace, the dogs barked and yapped and chased my cats, the nocturnal motorbike revving and other noise was a nightmare. And ironically this being one of the reasons I chose to leave, the couple next door also left not long after me, they had been there for a number of years.

The stress of everything got on top of me, I was unable to cope with the noise, the demands of work, the money situation, JM, the hypochondriacs and the illness games that were making me ill, Ted’s illness,  everything got too much for me, I tried unsuccessfully to overdose, and then to hang myself, I injured my neck, but ended up still alive, and realised I was no good at suicide.

 The hypochondriacs knew I was suicidal, got overly involved, spoke to JM at length about me, which was extremely unhelpful because her opinion of me and most people, is crass and incorrect, they also spoke to LD, I had given them permission to phone her but they went to see her, she explained boundaries to them, quite rightly, but they didn’t discuss boundaries with me before changing them, and then they were getting stressed about an important figure in L. church who was their friend, who was arrested for child molestation and child pornography.
This was being kept a secret by the church, and this was one of my first realisations how underhand and dishonest the Church and Diocese of Winchester are in order to protect their own interests.

The Church worker who was arrested, was part of the Prayer and Praise and All Age Worship team which was my favourite area of church and which I was involved in in minor participatory ways, he was a devoted member of the mission support team and was very active indeed in working with the Romanian orphanage that the church supported, he spent a lot of his spare time over there in the orphanage, and I remember before it was found out that he was an abuser, he was giving a talk on Romania and I remember him talking about bathing one of the little girls, and I remember thinking sharply that something was not quite right, and wondering if anyone else read into what he was saying as I did.
My friend, S. mentioned a number of times after the news came ‘out’ to a select few, that she knew I knew something was wrong with the man.

I gather from a conversation I was not meant to hear that it is possible he did misbehave there at the orphanage, but the true and hugely terrible thing about his conviction is that he was a special school teacher, and it was the children there he abused, as well as downloading tremendous amounts of child porn, all I knew of this man and his wife before that was that they were friends with the hypochondriacs and were involved in youth and mission, he was an avid mission support person as were the Hypochondriacs, and when I put forward a suggestion to the group about helping the orphanage,he  was not very encouraging, later though, after he was gone, I was more involved and given an opportunity to help.

But Worse things came out of the trial for me, I was horrified about hearing of the conviction,  I gather I was not meant to know, and the church and diocese were trying to keep it quiet- as I now know they do with all abuse, at the cost of a human life and reputation and health- but anyway, I went to JM about it, and she was very harsh and unkind, told me that everyone forgave the man and why couldn’t I if he had done me no harm.

 I replied that he had and that this was not about not forgiving, this was about shock and devastation, JM said that we would all be judged the same by God, and that he with his paedophilia and I with my autism would both be judged the same, this was utterly devastating for me, she was putting me in the same category as this man.

I have never recovered, judged for my disability in the same category as a sex offender! and knowing that people from the church wrote letters to support the man, saying he was a good man really, these same people who cross the street when they see me, and I have been called wicked, I have been condemned by the same church who supported this paedophile, and the same Diocese who hushed the matter up, what hope have I, if my autism is the same as what this man has done and I have been condemned as wicked when people say he is not, then what can I do? LD told me that what JM said was wrong, but it doesn’t take the pain away, not at all, I remain condemned.

Anyway even at the time I said something along these lines to SL because my friendship with the Hypochondriacs was breaking up, and they had written to support this man and were going mad with the stress of that and helping his wife and also their son and not coping with me.

What they were not coping with me was their over involvement as they, the same as Jill and George and others thought they could make everything ok and ended up making all of us ill, as well as this making me react and play up (nothing to be proud of and I am not), all in all they were in a mess and so was I, they helped the paedophile’s wife and so did my other friends, I cannot begin to imagine what she was going through, I did not get involved,she was as friendly to me as ever and so I spoke to her as we always had spoken, with no change, and I never spoke of her husband or the situation, and neither did she.
I did go to the court and listen to the trial, and ended up out of my mind and somewhere in the West Country because I couldn’t cope with it. I was too shocked.

I remember (another youth leader/churchwarden) coming to speak to me, I was curled up in the balcony of the church, feeling upset, he came and asked what was wrong and asked if I wanted to talk, and got me to come and stand with him and his family all squashed into one pew.
 I have no doubt that he was deeply shocked by what happened with the conviction of his colleague, he and his family left the church not so long after that, I don’t know if it was that or just the politics and cliques of the church that made him leave.
 I was pleased that he got the job of City Centre Chaplain, though JM said it was mad because he was too shy, but now he is one of the people who crosses the road to avoid me, which is sad because I respected him and I have certainly not done anything against him, but the church and diocese aren’t going to allow me to belong anywhere or receive anything but shunning for the rest of my life.

Another young family left the church and youth group at this time, they were my friends, I used to babysit for them and when I moved to house they inherited the rabbit, I kept in touch with them and remained friends with them for some time after they left, and we didn’t fall out, I have seen one of them today and had a chat, the church seemed empty with all the deaths, arrests and leavings, but new people soon came in and took it over.

Back to the work situation:
But I was no longer able to work with the stress and the noise and the aggressive handyman, I couldn’t stand up to him as the previous gardener had , and a row really blew up over his suggestive comments about me and Ted, so I resigned, the lady of the house kicked up a huge fuss and seemed to think I would leave and take all the fitments from the house with me, JM also got involved behind my back and ill-informed as usual and to my detriment, and the lady kept coming round to check up on me and I was either sleeping in the front room or cleaning the house and disposing of my furniture and effects to eager village residents as I could not take with me everything I had collected.

I certainly took none of her furniture or fittings! I left the place in good condition and went to live in my old house again, this time in the smaller cheaper room, I was really ill with exhaustion by then, I took my cats with me. The lady then continued to get through a number of gardeners in the next few years before putting the house on the market as it was too much to maintain and neither of her children wanted to inherit it.

She was one of the local ‘oligarchy’ who play such a part in running the Church of England churches because of their money.
Funny isn’t it? A mirror of Christianity where they use the poor as doormats and malign them for the problems they face, as she did with me.
I never regretted leaving that job, after two years there, because the cottage and the demands on me were simply too much.

The Poor don’t make choices – The exclusive Diocese

‘The poor don’t make choices/don’t have choices’ Is what my mother used to say over and over like a creed.

I remember in the Church of England, how I was squashed for being poor, being me and having to live the life I did.

A certain person used to go on about how people shouldn”t work on Sunday and how they wouldn’t go to a shop on Sundays, over and over, this was while I had no choice but to work on sundays, because if you are in a basic job with a basic wage, you work what hours you are asked, usually, and if Sunday is part of that, then so be it.
The Pharisees kicked up a fuss about Jesus and his disciples because the disciples gathered ears of corn on a Sunday, and Jesus answered them, asking who would not untie their animal and take it to water on a Sunday if it was Thirsty (I think), I am writing from memory, (how much more if a human being needs food and water and thus works for it on Sunday!).

Anyway, that judgement of things such as working on a Sunday while ignoring the real scripture answer is typical of the scary evangelical side of the diocese of Winchester.
But at the time my answer was: ‘The Vicar works on Sunday and you would be dismayed if he didn’t, and the same if the fire service and ambulance didn’t work on Sunday’.

But when people are rich enough to judge and not understand, rich enough to hold position in the Church of England but judge the poor, I suppose Jesus’ answers to those same judgements thousands of years ago, matter to the church just as much as they mattered to the pharisees, they did not want an answer, they just wanted to be superior.

Do you know, I wrote this from thoughts as I tidied my room this morning. Because I remember being judged for ‘working’ on a Sunday. Yet another abuse from the Church of England, yet another wound that stays with me along with the rest.

Fairtrade:

‘everyone must buy fairtrade!’
Was another judgement thrust on me by the same people, same place.

Sadly, I could barely afford Co-OP budget range and the reduced goods.

So I asked ‘Why must everyone buy Fairtrade?’

‘why, to help the poor of course!’

It didn’t help me, because Fairtrade is a very expensive idea, run by the wealthy old church people. I could not afford Fairtrade and was thus judged.
That is another fond memory of the Diocese of Winchester.

What you can watch:

This remains an awfully damaging memory.

They used to boast, all the time, about their family, all the time, every conversation was about what their family had and did, and along with things such as the above situations that belittled me, the boasting made me feel small and useless.

They went on about how their grandchildren were allowed to stay up late and watch rubbish like ‘Saturday Night Takeaway’.
They used to let me watch my Buffy Videos every weekend when they invited me back for the weekend, and then one day, after months of me watching Buffy, they labelled it ‘evil’ and banned me from watching these videos in their house, nor would they talk it through, telling me that ‘It was the same as if someone smoked in their house’.
Basically it was always one rule for them and other Church elite and another for us lesser mortals.

This person who suddenly decided my videos were evil, while their grandchildren watched trash, was the same person who lied to me about breaching confidences, accidentally admitted to lying after denying it, and then slated me for me immediate reaction which was to say a mild expletive.
All I heard from them was judgement about my reaction, no forgiveness and no responsibility either for lying or for breaching my confidence, and that is how it always was with them.

One rule for the pharisees and another for the rest of us. I am glad beyond belief that after years of being constantly damaged by the Diocese of Winchester, I have left them behind and seen what Christianity really looks like, and I pray for all vulnerable and poor people being abused and oppressed and judged in the Diocese, that they realise that they are being treated without the respect that they deserve and that they escape.

The Church of England simply took the place in my life of the cult environment I had grown up in, and furthered the damage, and the one good thing now is that I am free from both, at last, and free to learn to be me and be in therapy for the damage done.

The plebs don’t all believe the Daily mirror, and will not all start flocking into the dying and outdated judgemental and segregational Church of England, basically because the poor deserve better, and on a basic level most people know that the Church of England is designed for and run by the elite who treat everyone lower than them with contempt while putting on the ‘fair trade and aid overseas show’.

Unrelated political thoughs

When I was working in Jersey, I worked alongside a cheerful, hardworking and nice migrant worker, who was working in Jersey in order to send money home to his wife, who was a student, and their baby daughter.
I always admired him for being so brave as to be so far from his family in order to provide for them.
He told me he spoke to his wife and infant daughter on skype every evening, but I wondered what it was like, to be so far from your loved ones like that, just to be able to provide for them.

This migrant worker told me about religion in his country, he said that it was a Catholic Country.He told me sadly that even though it was a Catholic Country, the Catholics seemed more about politics and power than loving God.

He told me that the Catholic Church in his country had so much power that they would tell the people which politician or leader to vote in in elections.
He obviously thought this was wrong and not to do with Christianity, so did I, but what can you do if your country is dominated by one particular branch of religion and they are entwined in politics and power?

In a way it is a bit like the Church of England, with Bishops like Scott-Joynt and Dakin, who cannot even handle their own staff, but sit in the House of Lords and make decisions for out county!

Real Christianity and Politics do not mix. Jesus and the pharisees did not mix, Jesus had no interest in power, he was a homeless wanderer. He did not live in an all-expenses-paid palace and get a high salary, he wandered and taught and was disliked by the pharasees, with their rituals and politics.

Do you think there should be a country where a meeting is held where election candidates have to explain themselves to a group of ‘Christians’ in the hope of getting their vote? Do you think such a meeting chaired by a clergyman who is also a politician should happen?

I personally think such things are taking the Lord’s Name in Vain.

Dear Heather Steel,

I gather, despite my formal complaints against your involvement that you have continued to be involved in my complaint despite the fact that you are conflicted.

Basically you have hijacked the complaint and because of the fact that you are conflicted and thus I am unable to give evidence because a) you already have an agenda that is nothing to do with upholding my complaint, and b) I do not want to meet you because you are not credible and are close friends of people who have harmed me, you should not be involved and are continuing to harm me by your involvement.

Why should I give evidence to you when it has been made very clear to me that you are conflicted, not least in the advertisement in the JEP by the laity of the Jersey churches, who name you as representing them and provide your contact details as such, and when questioned about this by Bob Hill and others, you have no answer.

Bob tells me that all of a sudden, after total silence for months, you have made contact with him, claiming you never got his emails, how coincidental, Dame Steel, how coincidental, coming just after my BBC Jersey report and Bob’s blog about you. 

Dame Steel, why would I give evidence to someone as dishonest as you? You have hijacked my complaint, you are known to be conflicted, and you are known to be a close colleague of Senator Bailhache who ran a shameful, unchristian and deeply bigoted and unchristian smear campaign against me on behalf of the Dean, who has done wrong.

Tell me, if you are representing the Jersey church, as you were advertised as doing, in an advertisement  by the church laity, (who were amusingly anonymous but I can name them and so can a number of people), why are you asking for my evidence?

Basically I am as intimidated by you and your involvement as many witnesses in Jersey are by your involvement and they wont step forward because they know you are conflicted and they fear your close colleague Senator Bailhache, because there are many examples of lives ruined for speaking up.

You are not just conflicted but you are unbalancing an enquiry and ensuring that it is not fair or impartial, your recent contact with Bob Hill is nothing short of a joke.

Firstly, I have asked you to withdraw, I have asked the police, the Diocese and the OJC to ensure that you withdraw, because you are preventing justice, you have hijacked my complaint and prevented me from giving evidence and I have no confidence in you whatsoever, especially as you have been openly advertised as representing the Jersey church, the JEP advert where you are named as their representative is available to all, and it is how I Got your contact details, because you had no intention of getting in contact with me.

Your reply to my outrage was to coldly call me Miss *****. (not my name)

This was after you rudely and illegally attempted to access my court records through my former advocate who failed me and let the diocese of Winchester destroy me.

You didn’t introduce yourself to me or ask me before attempting to access my records. You simply violated my privacy, dragged me back to the advocate who let me down and tried to illegally get my records.

You will undoubtedly claim in your report that I refused to speak to you, but this email is to be published on the blog I run in answer to your rape-like violations of my life and privacy and the harm you are doing and will do to me on behalf of the church in Jersey who you are representing at the same time as hijacking my complaint against them.

The reason I will not give evidence to Dame Heather Steel is because she is conflicted, has been rude to me and is named as representing the Jersey churches in a full page advertisement in the JEP, she has caused me deep pain by attempting to access my court records through my former advocate without my permission, thus dragging me back into the past and the horror of that biased trial where I had no voice. Dame Steel has no concern whatsoever for my distress, just as the Diocese do not, and I am being severely psychologically harmed both by her continued involvement while she is named as representing the other side and also by her rudeness, dishonesty, and refusal to withdraw, while the police and OJC have not withdrawn her, even though this is a formal complaint, and there is no way the police or anyone else can justify continuing to invalidate it, and the harm being inflicted by waiting for her biased report that continues the damage that the Korris report did, I must not be made to suffer another day of waiting for Steel to harm me in the complaint she hijacked. She is to be withdrawn.

I the complainant object to her involvement as she is conflicted and has hijacked my complaint, I the complainant have a right to call for her withdrawal, if this complaint is anything other than a farce, then why have my concerns not been addressed? Dame Steel has made no attempt to allay anyone’s concerns, nor has the Diocese, nor have the police, and in the case of Jersey police’s involvement, there is also a conflict of interests, but again, the diocese refused to even respond to our concerns.

I forbid your enquiry again and I again bring this matter to the police and OJC as a formal complaint and I now say that I am making this a formal complaint of harassment against Dame Heather Steel, the police are obliged to stop this woman from inflicting further harm on me as they have failed so far to do, there is no reason for me to go on living under the stress of this dishonest and conflicted woman’s violation of me and interference in my complaint.

The Bishop has been told that she is conflicted and has been asked to withdraw her, in this email he is being asked again to withdraw her, as are the police and the OJC.

I enclose links to my blog and Bob’s blog about this matter.

http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/

I hereby officially and formally complain, to the police, the OJC and any other parties who read this, that Dame Steel’s continued hijack of my complaint is a criminal offence of harassment because it is harming my health and character and because she is representing the deanery of Jersey, who my complaint was about, and she is advertised as representing them and has made no effort to either explain why or refute the advert where they put her forward as their representative.

I do not have Dame Steel’s date of Birth or address for this complaint, but as the police know who judge Dame HEather Steel is, they cannot use the lack of detail to excuse negligence and refuse to make this woman withdraw from harassing me as a result, after all, they have repeatedly beaten and imprisoned me purely for trying to get the Diocese to deal with my complaint and bring justice. So there is no excuse whatsoever for Dame Steel to be harrassing me in response to a complaint made five years ago that is none of her business.

ps. I am not taking my blog down, I suffered two unfair trials, having been beaten and imprisoned for the Diocese of Winchester, I was not able to give my evidence in those trials, my side of things, and this situation with a conflicted judge hijacking my complaint is no different from those trials and thus I will now speak through my blog, if anyone wants me arrested for that, then it is time that those who have done me harm and are doing me harm also face trial, especially Dame Steel and Jane Fisher.

sincerely,

email to Hampshire constabulary cc the Bishop (who uses his chaplain’s email address) when the Bishop made contact after I formally withdrew from the charade of an investigation (please note, I keep being dragged back into this farce investigation, and yet my evidence isn’t being taken and I am not going to give evidence to anyone who is conflicted)

Regarding my formal complaint of harrasment against Bishop Tim Dakin of Wolvsley Palace, Winchester, I do not know his date of Birth but he is 53.

This was my formal letter to the Diocese, informing them that I have withdrawn, the Bishop has since distressed me by making contact with me, please ensure that he is prevented from doing so again.

He needs to accept that I have withdrawn, you as the police, have a duty of care to protect me, not just to beat me up and lock me in for this same Diocese when I react to them.

Please not the date of my letter and the dates of the Bishop’s email subject boxes in the screen shot, and please take this seriously.

I feel frightened and threatened by the Bishop, and always have done and am not pleased that you traced me so that he could hurt me and use me in his war on the Jersey Deanery. Please remember your duty of care and put an end to his aggression and intimidation of me.

I am not able to attend a police station as I do not want to be beaten and locked in, and I cannot phone you

Also could you ensure that the Diocese remove the defamatory ‘Korris report’ from internet publication as it has harmed me and is harming me as it is grossly inaccurate.

Please make it clear to the Bishop of Winchester that he has had an opportunity to talk to me, meet with me and gather evidence and he has not taken it, and thus he is never to make contact with me again.

The email below is dated 14/08.13 and he has contacted me on 16/08/13, I do not read his intimidating, aggressive and hostile messages and never will, and he is to accept that this matter is over for me. It is a travesty that you traced me so that the Bishop and his Diocese could harm me and harm the clergy in Jersey in a massive public and very very messed up ‘investigation’ instead of him having a quiet word with the wrongdoers and leaving me out with it, instead he has herded all the clergy in Jersey together, the innocent and the good, and publicly attacked them while threatening me, lying in the press about personally apologizing to me, and ruining me for no good reason at all.

It is vitally important that it is seen that I have been damaged for five months solid by the Bishop of Winchester and that he appears to have no intention of ceasing to harm me and no intention of helping me, and his lies about apologies, publishing of the Korris report and continued contact with me is sending me mad with distress.

I have also sent this in letter form to the Archbishop of Canterbury, who is responsible for the Bishop of Winchester’s dreadful behaviour and harm to me, and also to the national safeguarding officers, who need to e aware that I am still being harmed by the Bishop of Winchester.

I will continue to make a complaint against the Diocese of Winchester until someone hears me and forces them to withdraw and stop harming me. The way the Bishop has treated me and his own clergy is a disgrace and the way I have had to see the Korris report and the untruth about an apology that I never got and have been dragged into this war for no reason at all, is unacceptable, and eventually, 

someone, the police, Archbishop or an outside agency need to step in and remove the Bishop of Winchester before he harms any more clergy or vulnerable people and there needs to be an independent enquiry into why I have been beaten and detained repeatedly and treated as if mad by the Diocese of Winchester for responding to their harm to me, especially the harm inflicted on me by Jane Fisher, who is a danger to vulnerable adults and yet still works with them, she had an abuse victim villified and put in prison and repeatedly beaten and locked up, that is safeguarding is it?

 I will never recover from what has been done to me by the police on behalf of the Diocese, but the Bishop of Winchester does not care about that, he threatened me over it, he does not care about what he is doing to me and the consequences, he is using me to make life hell for his clergy in Jersey, to no apparent aim at all, and it is time that either the Archbishop or the police stopped his mad destructive behaviour.

Bishop Dakin, Withdraw means withdraw, it does not mean go on distressing me, since you threatened me, your emails are a source of great distress and harm to me.

Your investigation is nothing to do with me, and I cannot put it strongly enough you are harming me! STOP! I do not care what you have to say, as long as those police brutalizations and detentions are on my record, as long as I am living in fear, and as long as I am treated as mad and bad and cannot rebuild my life because of the record you got me, you are not to contact me, use me, lie about me or continue to harrass me in any way! The more you harm me, the less chance I have of surviving, with the return of my M. E. asthma and tachycardia all being a result of this, you are literally putting me in danger as well as causing disruption to my life, therapy and relationships.

sincerely,